In every marriage there are going to be problems. To deny this is to either misunderstand what a problem is or deny reality. Some experience more problems than others, but from time to time problems will arise, whether health, materialistic, social or emotional they will arise. Today, we begin a study within a study. We have recently examined what a godly family consists of. We examined preparation for marriage as well as the seriousness of the marriage covenant. We studied from God’s word the various roles each one fulfills within the home as God would have it. While these studies addressed God’s expectation, we did not spend extensive time dealing with various problems that arise and how to deal with them.

Sadly, most homes are not as God would have it. And even among godly families that are striving to please Him, problems will arise - some beyond our control and others because of foolish decisions. Regardless of the cause though, the problems are real and if they are not addressed they can destroy a family. With that in mind, today we will begin a study of dealing with problems within the home. By home I mean, the family unit rather than the structure in which we reside though that structure can have an impact on the well being of the home as we will see throughout this study. Just as God’s word addresses and defines the various roles within the family, it also addresses many of the problems that occur within the home. Primarily it teaches how to avoid many of them and then it addresses how to deal with them. In many cases the lessons are very practical and apply to every Christian in every walk of life regardless of your marital status and in other instances the teachings are specifically geared toward the various relationships within the home (i.e. Husband/wife, parent/child, etc.)

Dr. James Dobson, Chairman of the Board of Focus on the Family wrote an article in which he listed Twelve Marriage Killers. They were:

• Overcmommitment and physical exhaustion
• Excessive Credit and conflict over how money will be spent
• Selfishness
• Interference from in-laws
• Unrealistic expectations – especially among the young
• Space invaders – not giving their spouse "breathing room"
• Alcohol or substance abuse
• Pornography, gambling and other addictions
• Sexual frustration, loneliness, low self-esteem, and the greener grass of infidelity
• Business failure
• Business success
• Getting married too young

His advice to young couples at the beginning of this article was simply this: "Don’t permit the possibility of divorce to enter your thinking. Even in moments of great conflict and discouragement, divorce is no solution. It merely substitutes a new set of miseries for the ones left behind."

Our study will address various categories of problems that are most prevalent within homes today. We will address the following problems:

• When God is not first – the foundation of how problems will affect the overall health of the family. In many cases it also determines how problems will be dealt with. The world allows many things God does not, i.e. divorce, bankruptcy, etc.
• Financial problems – a great source of stress and many marital problems concern the lack of money and how it is used or misused. Many families are destroyed because of poor financial management. Others are severely crippled from being able to reach their full potential in God's eyes.
• Communication problems – proper communication is a key element to a successful marriage. It has been said that half of what is said is misunderstood on one way or another. Family members need to know how to communicate and equally important, how NOT to communicate.
• Worldliness - including poor time management, materialism and over-commitment are destroying the spiritual health of many homes that profess to follow God.
• Marital Infidelity – including fornication and causes that lead to it such as entertainment, failures to fulfill your duties
• Improper attitudes – including selfishness (a successful marriage requires both partners to give), indifference, laziness, "fighting dirty", etc.
• Raising children – making them spiritual, addressing problems with them. Discipline
• Rejecting God given roles – including switching, abuse and failures to fulfill your God-given roles. We will also address verbal and mental abuse. The Bible does give instructions about how we ought to talk to and about our mates and family.
• Extended family problems – the blessings and curse of in-laws
• Religiously divided families - actually this is an "in-law" problem too.
• Lack of Commitment – a major cause of divorce. Where there is no commitment, problems are going to go unsolved and they WILL increase.

We are going to examine these problems, and perhaps others, in great detail, in the coming weeks. While many of these subjects will require an entire lesson to address, some of them can be combined into a single lesson. If there are some other problems you would also like for me to address, please give me a note or call. And please, NO malicious or personal requests. While we want to address what God's word has to say, it is not my intent to personally attack anyone.

This morning, we want to notice the foundation of family problems. When God is not the priority he ought to be. A recurring theme that will continue to come up during this study is putting God first. When everyone will do that, most family problems will be prevented and the rest will be easier to deal with.

A. God needs to be first in our lives – in everything, the home included.

1. Luke 10:27 - The first and greatest commandment - Love God with your all
2. Matthew 10:34-39 - God has to come first. In Luke 14:26,27, Jesus even said that we are to "hate" others, meaning "to love less"
3. Philippians 3:8 speaks of counting all things loss so that we may gain Christ.
4. This certainly applies within the home as well as all other walks of life.

B. When God is not first in the home:

1. We become careless – the world begins to creep in. It may not happen overnight, and we may not expect it to happen, but it will.

   Just like Peter crept toward the fire of denial in steps, so the home will leave God gradually.

2. We fail to instill godly values in our children. Usually, when God is not first, one of the first things to happen in the family loses its focus.

   The fall of the nation of Israel was attributed early on to the fact that parents failed to instill godly values in their children – Judges 2:10.

   Understand that you children are going to get their values from somewhere. Will it be their peers at school, the television and other forms of entertainment? Or will it be you teaching them day and night, writing it as signs on the door and while you are walking? Deuteronomy 6:6-8

    

3. We turn to the world for guidance.

   When problems arise, they have to be dealt with.

   Eventually we have to turn to someone. Who will it be?

   If we are not trained to "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" (Proverbs 3:5), we will turn to other sources. In many instances, they will steer you away from God. There are many ungodly counselors who are ready to give you worldly advice.

   The world will tell you divorce is ok, and you can cheat your creditors, etc. Their ideas may work, but are they worth it if they endanger your soul and the souls of your children?

    

4. Satan gains a greater influence – there is no middle ground. Satan will take everything he can get. That means he will settle for whatever you give him. The problem is that it doesn’t take very much for him to succeed. Jesus taught, that if you are not for Him, you are against Him (Matthew 12:30). He also taught that you cannot serve 2 masters (Luke 16:13).

   When he gains control, you will find what you are watching on television gradually will become more wicked, you pursuit of things will increase, it will become easier to choose the world over God (i.e. – worshipping God both at home and as the church) and it will more easily affect one’s mental health.

   Understand that Satan does not want what is best. He does some of his best work when you are in misery.

As we begin to address the various problems that are destroying families today, let us always keep in mind the importance of putting God first. By itself, that may not solve every problem but it will give you the strength to deal with and overcome all of them. Trusting in God will also help prevent many of them. Who is controlling your home?