GODLY FAMILIES IN AN UNGODLY WORLD
Family Problems 7 – Improper
Attitudes
Today, we continue our study of dealing with family problems from God’s word. We have noted a number of specific causes of problems including money, poor communication, worldliness and marital infidelity. Today we want to notice some other areas that can cause problems within a family. Today we want to notice some attitudes that are unhealthy for a family and that can cause numerous problems. Again, please note my goal in this study is to emphasize that God’s word is the best marriage manual and family counselor that we have. The attitudes we will notice today are certainly not exclusive to families and marriage, but they DO have an impact. AND we will notice that these are attitudes that can be sinful within themselves which explains WHY they do damage. Remember that God always wants what is best for us.
A. A sure way to cause stress in a marriage is to be selfish. It has been noted OFTEN that marriage is a giving relationship. As one has said it is 75% give and 25% take. Problems in a family can be caused by:
1. Selfish spouses - when one always has to have his/her way all the time. When he doesn’t think about the effect of his decisions on his spouse.
2.
Selfish parents – there are many parents who think only about
themselves. When they do something
for their children it is because they “have to” or there is something in it
for the parent. Many parents give
themselves the best and their children the leftovers.
Another concern here is a parent who will not stand up for their child when
their spouse is abusive in any way.
3. Selfish children – another lesson, but worthy of mentioning. Are we raising our children to be selfish, or are we teaching them differently?
B. God’s word about selfishness
1.
God gave His son – John 3:16;
2. We are to think about others, INCLUDING our spouse and family - Philippians 2:3-4. The Christian’s life, in every relationship is about others. Matthew 22:36-40
3. Passages about selfishness
a.
Matthew
b. Ephesians 5:25-28 – husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies. Even be willing to give themselves for their wives. Very unselfish.
c. 1 Corinthians 13:5 – Love does not seek its own
d. Consider 2 Timothy 3:2-5 – avoid such persons.
e. Considering these and so many passages that address the subject in general, does it not make sense that in a relationship as close as those within the family that we ought to adhere to these principles?
C. Dealing with Selfishness in the family
1.
Usually, there is enough blame to pass it around.
So dealing with it starts with you – if there is far too much taking,
be the first to do what is right. Do
it for YOUR soul.
Before pointing the finger remove the beam from your own eye – Matthew 7:3-5
2.
Often we defend our actions by blaming the spouse –
There is a little word often used that usually means one is going to pass the
blame - “but” – Dr. Laura Schlesinger often cuts off her callers when they
start trying to justify their condition. While
it may seem brash, what she is doing is eliminating the excuses.
Facts are facts. Let the
giving start with you
3. For the other spouse – you HAVE to do your part. If only one person is doing the giving, the relationship IS going to suffer! Are YOU going to destroy a relationship because your spouse wants to do what is right and you are going to get your way? If you act that way, your selfishness will damn your soul.
A. To please God we HAVE TO care. One cause of escalating problems in a marriage is indifference.
1. When one spouse simply doesn’t care (or they express that) about the concerns of the other – it is bound to lead to greater stress. Examples: Finances, stressful situations, making decisions or acting in a way knowing it bothers his/her spouse, etc.
2.
Parents are often indifferent as they raise their children –
Ephesians 6:4; Proverbs
3. Children, usually because of their parent’s indifference, also become that way because they have not been shown any better. It becomes a greater problem as they continue to grow into their teens.
4. Indifference is often a product of selfishness – see above.
B. God’s word and indifference –
1.
Luke
2.
Revelation 3:15-17 – the church at Laodeceia was indifferent.
The church at
3. The Christian HAS to care! Look out for interests of others – Philippians 2:3-4
C. This applies to the family as well
1. The whole foundation of a godly family is caring.
a. 1 Peter 3:1-4, 7 – wives act becomingly with a gentle and quite spirit. Husbands dwell with understanding and honor their wives
b.
Ephesians
c. Hebrews 12:6-11 – Chastening is a product of caring. Often failures to discipline within the family are a result of not caring.
d. NOTE: Have you noticed that these same verses keep popping up week after week in addressing problems? Why? Because they are PIVOTAL thoughts on a godly family
2.
Consider the admonition to the church at
a. Be watchful – WAKE UP! Is indifference destroying your marriage and family?
b. Strengthen that which remains – you are still together and you children are still at home – start with what you have and build from there. CARE!
e. Remember what you have received and heard – turn to God’s word for your guidance and learn. It is THE marriage manual and guide to raising children we need to consult first.
f. Hold fast and repent - CHANGE
A. It might not seem like a big deal, but laziness causes many problems within the family. It often leads to disorganization which consumes time, zaps energy, and causes problems to be ignored or avoided. Because of laziness - bills go unpaid, the house is unkempt, children are not properly taught, good deeds go undone, etc. Laziness is often a product of indifference
B. God’s word and laziness
1. Proverbs 10:4, He who has a slack hand becomes poor, But the hand of the diligent makes rich.
2. Proverbs 12:24, The hand of the diligent will rule, But the lazy man will be put to forced labor.
3. Proverbs 12:27, The lazy man does not roast what he took in hunting, But diligence is man's precious possession.
4. Proverbs 18:9, He who is slothful in his work Is a brother to him who is a great destroyer.
5. Proverbs 24:30-34, I went by the field of the lazy man, And by the vineyard of the man devoid of understanding; And there it was, all overgrown with thorns; Its surface was covered with nettles; Its stone wall was broken down. When I saw it, I considered it well; I looked on it and received instruction: A little sleep, a little slumber, A little folding of the hands to rest; So shall your poverty come like a prowler, And your need like an armed man.
6. Eccl 10:18, Because of laziness the building decays, And through idleness of hands the house leaks.
7. Romans 12:11, Christians are to be, “not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;”
8. 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12, “For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat.11 For we hear that there are some who walk among you in a disorderly manner, not working at all, but are busybodies.12 Now those who are such we command and exhort through our Lord Jesus Christ that they work in quietness and eat their own bread.
9. EACH of these verses could make application to the home. Just like physical houses fall apart when we don’t maintain them, so it is with our families (and with our spiritual family as well).
C. Dealing with laziness
1. There is really only one answer – GET TO WORK! Matthew 25:15,26 – the lazy servant
2.
Stop making excuses – Laziness ALWAYS has an excuse.
Proverbs
Proverbs
3. What is really important to you? If laziness is affecting your family, it is a sign that the home is not as important as it ought to be. If that is the case, it’s time for a serious evaluation of what IS important.