Sunday, December 21, 2003 am  

GODLY FAMILIES IN AN UNGODLY WORLD
Family Problems 9 - Conclusion

 We have been studying for the past several weeks various problems that families encounter and the damage they can do if they are not properly handled.  We have also shown the importance of God’s word in dealing with these problems as a godly family.  Today, we want to bring this study to a conclusion by noticing one final area of problems – external problems.  By external problems, I mean interference by those outside of the marriage family.  Primarily, problems with the extended family.  We will also have some concluding remarks about this study.

 I.            Problems with In-Laws

A.            These problems can occur from two directions.  In-laws who interfere with a family.  Children who turn to their parents over their spouse and family.  Such are usually problems of the will and selfishness.

B.             Parents that interfere –

1.           To the parents: You have to let them go!  Genesis 2:24 says that a woman is expected leave her home and cleave to her husband.  Parents ought to support that fact and realize that they are sinning if they interfere.  But that only works if your parents are Christians or care about the damage their interference is doing. 

2.           Dealing with parents who act that way

a.                 Pray about it – cast your cares on God.  Our purpose in this study is to emphasize the need to turn to God for guidance and strength as we deal with our problems.

b.                Realize that we are different.  You have to allow for differences (both the parents and the children).  BE as thick-skinned as possible, without compromising your principles.  Think no evil and believe all things – Love does that – 1 Corinthians 13:5-7.

c.                 Be patient.  Turbulence usually occurs early in the relationship.  Remember, you are taking their son or daughter and they want what is best for them.  As the relationship develops, if you treat them the way you ought to (as we have discussed), usually your relationship with your in-laws will get better.

d.                Do what you can to be the best you can be.  Write to them.  Make efforts to talk to them.  Remember that your responsibility is to be the Christian you OUGHT to be.  You cannot control what others do.

e.                 If you can’t resolve it.  My advice to couples that still have too much parental interference, MOVE!
(Some of these suggestions found at, www.troubledwith.com )

3.           Let it also be said that in-laws can be an asset to a marriage.  Especially in relationships where both parties come from Christian families.  Godly in-laws will expect you to fulfill your roles and their input will be for what is best.  A wise child (or in-law) will listen to and heed the good advice of his parents (or in-laws).

C.             Spouses that refuse to leave and cleave – you are sinning! Again, Genesis 2:24 is clear.  Note that Jesus used that passage in dealing with divorce – PREVENTING DIVORCE that is (Matthew 19:4-6). 
Other passages that we have discussed show this such as those dealing with love, headship and submission as well as 1 Corinthians 7:1-5.
This does not mean we have to sever relationships with our parents.  Hopefully this will not become an issue.  If you choose a mate wisely, it is usually prevented (i.e. – consider this BEFORE you get married).  Remember, marriage is for grown-ups.  Godly parents will recognize this and work at keeping a good relationship with their son or daughter-in-law.

II.          Spiritual In-Law Problems

A.            When a family is religiously divided you WILL have problems.  Far too many marriages take place thinking that religious differences don’t matter (usually this means that neither partner is totally committed to their religion.)  And at first they may not, but as time develops and children come along, they usually become a BIG issue that divides families.  Some say they will raise their children giving them the choice which is usually disastrous – because they become confused and choose to believe nothing.

B.             While 2 Corinthians 6:14-16 does not say that it is sinful to marry one who is not a Christian, it warns of the possibility of a sinful circumstance that can develop if you do.  Marrying one who is not a Christian is NEVER wise (but it has worked in many instances). 

C.             Your responsibilities are still there

1.        You have to be a godly husband/wife and parent.

2.        Notice 1 Peter 3:1-4 speaks of the wife with an unbelieving husband

3.        1 Corinthians 7:10-16, a passage that is greatly debated among brethren.  Note vs. 12-14, if the unbelieving spouse is willing to live with the believing spouse, let it happen (consider if this condition exists AS a couple marries – can you use the excuse later to get out of it?  NO WAY !).  Vs. 14 states, the unbelieving husband (or wife) is sanctified by the believer and children are called holy because of the one who is righteous.  They have a better chance of learning the truth than otherwise (though not nearly as good if both are Christians).
As I understand this passage, it implies that you are to still be a Christian which means you will fulfill your God-given role in the relationship unless it violates God’s will

4.        Acts 5:29 applies to all things.

D.            What about one who obeys the gospel after they get married and their spouse does not?

1.        You still have responsibilities as above.  Your goal ought to be to be the best possible Christian so that maybe you can win your spouse and family.

2.        Some believe that 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 gives the believer the right to put away their unbelieving spouse.  But the text does NOT teach that.  It does say that if the unbeliever chooses to depart, let them go – you will not be sinning in the divorce (vs. 15) (but you still CANNOT remarry – vs. 10-11)

 III.        Summarizing this Study

A.      Our goal in this study has been to identify problems that occur in families and note how to use God’s word to deal with them.  The Bible truly is the best marriage manual and guide to rearing godly children.

B.      I would like to conclude by noting six Traits of a Successful Marriage, (From Home Improvement, Traits of a Successful Marriage, pg. 38, Brent Hunter)
Most of these we have addressed or at least mentioned in this study, so we will simply note them in closing.

1.        Commitment – To me, this is the key to a successful marriage and a godly home.  It is that which all other matters hinge on.

a.           Commitment both to God and each other.  This is the threefold chord that is not easily broken – Eccl. 4:12.

b.          Remember the vows to made before God to one another.  Are you committed to keep them?  Ecclesiastes 5:4-6, “When you make a vow to God, do not delay to pay it; For He has no pleasure in fools .Pay what you have vowed -- Better not to vow than to vow and not pay. Do not let your mouth cause your flesh to sin, nor say before the messenger of God that it was an error. Why should God be angry at your excuse and destroy the work of your hands?”

c.           Psalm 15:4 speaks of the one who, “swears to his own hurt and does not change”  as being the one who will dwell with God

d.          As a rule, we do what we want to do.  If we really want our marriage to work, we will strive to make it succeed.  If we want a godly family, we will make the necessary commitments to that end.

2.        Appreciation for each other – respect and love all who are in your family

3.        Good Communication Patterns – cannot be emphasized enough

4.        Spend Time Together – Remember, love is TIME!

5.        Strong Value System – When God is first, everything will work out.

6.        Ability to Deal Positively With Crisis – when the problems do arise they way we deal with them will either strengthen or weaken the relationship.

 The whole purpose of this study has been to identify some problems within the family and show the value of God’s word in building strong, healthy homes – both physically and spiritually.  We are rapidly approaching a new year – what better time is there to examine your family’s health and take action to make it the home God would have it to be?  I commend this study to you.