Sunday, December 13, 2010 pm
CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? (10)
GOING TO YOUR BROTHER
a.
In
addition to the proper attitudes we have discussed (which HAVE TO BE
THERE on both sides) consider there are some rules to keep in mind (some
we have mentioned).
b.
Pray
about it – ALWAYS step 1.
As we ended our last lesson mentioning a lack of prayer as a
hindrance to unity, we begin our discussion here by mentioning it again.
BEFORE you do anything, include God.
That means approaching your heavenly Father for wisdom in these
matters. Jas. 5:16 speaks of
the effective, fervent prayer of the righteous man availing much.
Matt. 5:44 tells us to pray for our enemies.
In this case, our brother is NOT our enemy, but in this matter he
might be an adversary. Pray!
c.
Is your
house in order? Are you
credible to go to one with a concern?
We cannot forget Matt. 7:1-5
about judging one another.
We know this does not mean you cannot make judgments at all, but there
are certain judgments that are sinful (i.e. prejudice) and there are
time when until you get your house in order you are simply not qualified
to tackle some problem. This
is a challenge because where there is sin it NEEDS to be confronted.
John 8:7-9 – Jesus confronted the religious leaders as they brought the
woman caught in adultery to Him.
See Psalm 50:16-21
Consider that this IS yet another reason to live the godly life – so
that you CAN help your brother with credibility.
As we have stated before your actions DO speak louder than your
words! Cf. Jas. 2:18
d.
Ask: Do
you need to do this?
I am NOT saying this so that you will not go to one who is in sin.
NEVER forget Matt. 18:15-17, 5:23-24. These
verses establish a pattern that needs to be followed in dealing with
sinning brethren. Step one
is for YOU to go to Him PRIVATELY! Remember that you have a scriptural
duty to try and resolve a sinful conflict with a brother, regardless
of who is at fault! The text
does NOT say, “If you brother sins and IF YOU DECIDE TO go to him…”
BUT, is this something that can be overlooked without jeopardizing
one’s soul? Is it sin or is
it a pet peeve? (Don’t be too quick to dismiss this either way – some
times, to avoid confrontation, we define sinful behavior as a
personality conflict when it really is a sinful conduct – i.e. pride,
selfishness)
Rom. 14:1-4, 15:1-2. NOTE:
I am not saying that if you have a problem you make some excuse and
ignore it hoping it will go away, (such is not indicative of a TRUE
relationship based upon honesty and integrity) but there are times that
we make problems worse than they are
Are you being petty in your concerns?
IF you are, LET IT GO!
a.
Remember that he is your brother.
2 Thess. 3:15, do not count him as an enemy, but admonish him as a
brother.
Gal. 6:1-2, Jas. 5:19-20 – described as a brother, we do what we can to
save his soul.
b.
Remember the golden rule –
Matt. 7:12. Try walking in
his shoes. Be as benevolent
in this as possible. BE
honest when you evaluate how you would like to be treated by a brother
who has a problem with you!
IN this, do not forget the importance of forgiveness.
Are you TRULY willing to forgive your brother?
Matt. 6:14,15. How
far are you willing to go in forgiving your brother for the sake of
peace and unity?
This includes the numerous attitudes we have discussed in this study
including humility, caring, gentleness and love).
c.
Choose
the right time – this is
crucial and requires patience and wisdom (Eph. 5:15-16 – walk
circumspectly). There is a
time for everything. There
is a WRONG time to do many things.
IF you truly want to win your brother’s soul and preserve your
relationship, you will wait for the right time to address him – cf. 1
Cor. 9:22, “to the weak I became as weak, that I might win the weak…”
d.
Choose
the right words – think before
you speak. Jas. 5:19, Col.
4:6, Prov. 18:13, “He who answers
a matter before he hears it, it is folly and a shame to him.”
Be as tactful as possible – make your criticism constructive.
If you have sin in your life that is related to this issue, admit
that as you go to your brother.
Perhaps it is something you can work on together which will draw
you closer to one another as you resolve your differences in a godly
manner. Find something good
to say as an encouragement.
e.
Be
willing to listen.
Often times differences involve misunderstandings.
Jas. 5:19. Josh
22:10-34 shows a misunderstanding Israel had with their brethren when a
monument was built to remember God.
f.
Don’t
overwhelm your brother – it is
recommended you tackle one issue at a time.
There may be some issues that require more than one session.
AND it is usually not recommended that you pile on on who is
struggling with issues.
g.
Give
your brother time to repent/respond
– it is not uncommon when a brother is confronted with something
unpleasant he responds rashly because he is caught off guard, he is
angry something was said, etc.
But often, if given enough time to think, he will cool off.
Rev. 2:21 speaks of the Lord giving brethren (i.e. a church) time
to repent. Rom. 9:22, 2 Pet.
3:9, 15 – the Lord gives us time.
h.
Be
willing to concede what you can for unity
– NOT a compromise of the truth, but we
have discussed this more than once in this study. 1 Pet. 4:8 - love will
cover a multitude of sins.
1 Cor. 6:7-8 describes one willing to suffer loss if it is best for the
church.
These are some suggestions that will help
one as he goes to his brother in sin.
Perhaps other thoughts could be added to these, but in these we
drastically improve our chances of success in facing differences with
one another. In our next
lesson: When your Brother Comes to You