Sunday, January 9, 2011 pm
CAN’T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG (11)
When Your Brother Comes to You
We have emphasized throughout this study the importance of
EVERYONE having a proper attitude.
It is when someone fails to have a proper attitude that things go
wrong (and usually there is enough blame to pass around).
Having said that, we need to understand that if ONE person (or
side) has a proper attitude, it can often help to resolve problems.
First, your proper attitude and actions will ensure that matters
are not made any worse than they already are.
Second, often times when given enough time, the one with an
improper attitude or action will reconsider and change.
Then reconciliation can begin.
Therefore, if you are involved in a difference with a brother
(whether scriptural or personal) you need to maintain a proper attitude
regardless of how your brother acts.
Tonight, as we examine how to react when your brother comes to
you, we have an example of where YOUR proper attitude can only help the
situation. Therefore, let us
notice how to respond in this circumstance.
a.
Don’t
think that you are above reproach.
There are some who think they do not real wrong.
They view themselves as the standard others should follow.
i.
Consider
Romans 2:17-20 where many were confident that they were the guide their
Gentile brethren needed.
ii.
Romans
12:3 warns us not to think too highly of ourselves.
iii.
There are
many who dismiss rebuke because they think they are superior to their
critic (who is not as smart or old or experienced, educated, etc.).
We must realize that even with experience we can still be wrong.
Jesus was rejected by many because He was just a carpenter’s son
(Matt. 13:54-57, John 7:15)
iv.
Proverb
27:5, “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed.”
b.
Don’t
refuse to admit error (or the possibility of it).
i.
There are
some who don’t want to hear the truth.
They stop their ears.
They are satisfied where they are at and don’t want to be disturbed.
Acts 7:54 – when Stephen rebuked the
leaders of the council they stopped their ears.
ii.
Contrary
to what some think, NOBODY is perfect (except Jesus).
It is arrogant and dangerous to think you are above reproach (1
Cor. 10:12).
1 John 1:8-10 warns us not to claim we
have not sinned.
iii.
When we
began this study a year ago, one of the first points made was for unity
between brethren to be achieved there must be TOTAL honesty with all
parties. There are
times when a brother has something against us in which we will admit
some error, but we will not be totally honest.
We admit generalities, but avoid specifics.
In other words, we try to soften our fault in the situation with flawed
justifications, excuses, half-truths, finger pointing or less than
honest examination. We don’t
tell the whole story so that the perception is enhanced in our favor.
iv.
The
problem with this is you are not TRULY repenting!
In fact, as long as you have such an attitude, you CANNOT fully
repent! I am reminded of the
arrogant tax collector in Luke 18:10-14 – his arrogance prohibited from
an honest evaluation of himself.
v.
Often our
negative feelings toward a brother (because we do not have the attitudes
we have discussed) stands in our way of hearing the truth.
We don’t like someone or we are at enmity against them, so
anything they say is instantly dismissed.
More weight is placed upon WHO comes to us that WHAT is said.
Friends, don’t forget 1 John 4:20-21 and Eph. 4:31-32.
We HAVE to do these things.
c.
Do NOT
become angry and retaliate
i.
A sad, but
often true observation is that when you cannot defeat the message,
destroy the messenger.
ii.
Sometimes,
we become angry that someone would dare rebuke us, especially if is that
brother we just mentioned in our last point.
Or perhaps we are angry we got caught or that someone exposed us,
when we didn’t want to be exposed.
Sadly, this often leads to worse things – even setting out to
destroy your brother who came to you.
iii.
In Old
Testament times, often when a king was rebuked by a prophet, his answer
was to retaliate. Jeremiah
was cast into a dungeon (even the sewer) because he rebuked the king
(Jer. 38:6). Other prophets
were executed for their stand (cf. 2 Chron. 24:20-21).
iv.
Paul
telling the truth provoked many enemies (cf. Gal. 4:16, Phil. 1:15-17).
Stephen was stoned because he rebuked the council (Acts 7:54-60).
v.
When there
is anger, there is always the danger of sin – Eph. 4:26, James 1:19,
Matt. 5:21-22
a.
If a
charge is made against you, MAINTAIN your godly attitude.
All the attitudes discussed must be here.
THOUGHT: Do you have the disposition so that one can come to you
if they have a concern?
b.
First,
thank the one who has brought it to your attention –
i.
Even if
there is misunderstanding consider the responsibility he has if he
believes you are in error (Jas. 5:19-20, Gal. 6:1-2).
Remember Matt. 18:15 & Matt. 5:23.
ii.
Considering the terribleness of sin, you ought to want to avoid it at
all costs. IF someone has a
concern, you should WANT them to come to you lest your soul be in
danger. This ought to
be true, even if there is a misunderstanding.
Dialogue can lead to proper understanding.
iii.
Be
thankful he came to you instead of going to others.
Proverbs 27:6 says, “Faithful are
the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
c.
Properly evaluate the rebuke
i.
2
Corinthians 13:5 tells us to examine and prove (test) ourselves lest we
become disqualified. If
something is said it NEVER hurts to take a step back and think about it.
ii.
The first
question you must HONESTLY ask: Is it true? No pretense or shades of
interpretation. If it is
true, you need to do something about it.
d.
If you
are guilty, repent!
i.
There is
no substitute for true repentance!
Luke 13:3 says that unless you repent, you will perish.
Rev. 2:5, while spoken to the church at Ephesus, it describes the
need each of us has if we are guilty.
ii.
Prov.
28:13, “He who covers his sins will not prosper, But whoever confesses
and forsakes them will have mercy.”
iii.
2 Samuel
12:13 – David admitted his sins.
NO excuses.
iv.
1 John 1:9
calls for us to confess our sins if we are to be forgiven by Him.
v.
2
Corinthians 7:11- describes the depth one will go to clear themselves if
they have been guilty of some sin.
That is true repentance.
e.
If you
are NOT guilty, discuss it
i.
Seek to
clear up the matter by discussing it with the one who came to you.
See that it spreads no further!
ii.
Let me
again stress a proper attitude.
In love try to put yourself in his shoes (e.g. did he see
something that you have not thought about? Does he only have part of the
story? Etc.).
iii.
Assume the
best about his motives – was it an honest misunderstanding?
Give the benefit of the doubt if you are unsure.
Do not think evil – 1 Cor. 13:5-6.
We get into so much trouble when we assume the worst.
a.
Sadly,
many who make accusations and bring up faults do so with impure motives.
They may be seeking self-justification for something wrong in
their lives. They may be
spiritually blind to their own faults (arrogant attitudes).
They may simply not like you (for which they have a spiritual
problem) and therefore want to find fault with you.
They may be busybodies that simply spend too much time in other
peoples business. In
all such situations, they have problems that will need to be addressed
eventually.
b.
Your
correction is your first priority.
i.
EVEN if they have sin or are
unqualified to come to you, you need to tend to your own house first.
Matthew 5:23-24 makes this clear.
ii.
You have
to be right yourself before you concern yourself with the splinter OR
plank in his eye – Matthew 7:1-5
Psalm 51:9-13 gives a good illustration of this. David sought to be
right with God before he concerned himself with teaching transgressors
and converting sinners.
c.
You
will need to eventually address your concerns to him.
i.
His sins
are just as serious as yours – if unrepented of, they will cost him his
soul. You do not want to be
responsible for anyone losing their souls (2 Cor. 5:11, Jude 22-23).
ii.
Apply the
points from our last lesson including choosing the right time and place.
d.
Be
tactful
i.
As you go,
remember that ALL the rules of proper attitude apply to your approach
including patience and kindness.
Be prayerful as you go.
ii.
Choose
your words carefully. Col.
4:6 reminds us to speak gracefully.
iii.
Jesus
said, “Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves” (Matt. 10:16).
iv.
He is your
brother and you need to admonish him as such (2 Thess. 3:15).
If it is a problem you are both
struggling with, offer to work together to resolve it.
v.
Remember
Matt. 7:12, the golden rule.
vi.
NOTE: In
all this, I am not saying there is no time for strong rebukes.
They have their place.
But they need to be wisely applied.
And thus we can see some things to consider when your brother
comes to you with concerns.
Your role is to be what you ought to be.
If EVERYONE possessed that attitude, many differences would be
easily resolved. Think about
it.