Sunday, February 15, 2012 am
GODLY HOMES IN AN
UNGODLY WORLD (12)
What about singles?
I.
What does the Bible say
about being single?
a.
Being single is not
wrong, nor is it a weakness or a flaw in one’s life.
i.
When God said, “Marriage
is honorable among all” (Heb. 13:4), he was not saying it was mandatory,
nor that being single is dishonorable.
Rather He was noting that marriage serves its purposes, which we
have examined at length in this study.
ii.
IF someone is single, we
need to be careful and NOT assume that something is wrong with that
person, or that he/she is the victim of unfortunate events. And we need
to think about this when we start to play matchmaker.
Sometimes, we see someone who is single and seek to impose our
will upon them thinking we know what is best.
We very well could be wrong in our assessment.
AND it is possible that our pressure might drive one into an
unfortunate situation. I am
not saying in this that it is wrong to introduce people or give
SOLICITED advice, but just that we need to be careful in these matters.
BECAUSE begin single is not wrong!
iii.
In the Bible there are
examples of men & women who were single, yet productive
–
Paul was clearly single. Daniel was probably made a eunuch, when carried
away into captivity. If so
he would have been single.
Elijah & Jeremiah (Jer. 16:2) were single as prophets.
John the Baptist was single. And
do not forget that Jesus was
single.
There are many others whose
lifestyles do not indicate they were married – Timothy, Mary & Martha,
etc. There were also widows
who devoted substantial portions of their lives to being single.
b.
The New Testament speaks
of those who are single
i.
Matt. 19:12 – after the
warnings about divorce and remarriage, the disciples of Jesus said, “If
such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.”
Jesus responded, “All
cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given:
‘For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and
there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men,
and there are eunuchs who have
made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.
He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.’” (11-12)
In that expression you might find those whose obedience to the
gospel prompts them to live the single life.
ii.
In 1 Corinthians 7 Paul
further developed this – Vs. 8, “But I say to the unmarried and to the
widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they
cannot exercise seof-control, let them marry….” And
32-35, “But
I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things
of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. 33 But he who is married cares
about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. 34 There is a
difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about
the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit.
But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may
please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I
may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve
the Lord without distraction.”
c.
There are many noble
reasons why some live the single lifestyle
i.
Some are not ready to marry yet – earlier in this study we noted that marriage is for
grownups. There are many who
realize the seriousness of marriage and know they are not ready to get
married yet. Some want to
stabilize their lives before marrying.
Others have goals they want to achieve – such as completing their
education, securing a job that can support a family, traveling or doing
other things that may be more difficult to accomplish one they are
married, do some things to serve the Lord that will be limited when they
get married, etc.
ii.
Some have not found the right person – they want to get married, but they have set for
themselves godly standards and refuse to compromise, even if it means
being single a little longer.
iii.
Some don’t want to get married – there are some who simply prefer the lifestyle of being
single or are better suited to live that way, and they don’t have to
justify it to you or me.
iv.
Some are in circumstances that have made them single
– such as the death of a spouse, divorced, etc.
While at one time they were married, they are not married now.
v.
Some, because of past decisions, are required by God to live the single
lifestyle.
If you are divorced for a cause other than fornication, God
requires that you remain single (Matt. 19:9, 1 Cor. 7:10-11)
a.
Having established that
that single life style is perfectly acceptable and sometimes necessary,
there are still concerns to be addressed.
Just because one has chosen the lifestyle of being single does
not exempt him/her from godly conduct throughout their lives.
And being single can lead to some sinful attributes.
(NOTE this is not discouraging being single but WARNING of things
to guard against as a single person).
b.
The Risk of Loneliness
- we were built to not be alone.
In Gen. 2:18 we find that the Lord God said,
“It is not good that man should be
alone, I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
As a rule, people want, or even need to be around other people from time
to time.
Eccl. 4:9-12 addresses the value of having a good friend.
One of the dangers such face is to marry the wrong person.
The proverbs also speak of the
value of friendship – Prov. 17:17, 18:24, 27:6, etc.
Being lonely can lead to other problems such as depression, low
self-regard and ungodly attitudes toward others such as resentment,
jealousy, bitterness, etc.
All of these are addressed in scripture and must be overcome to be
productive Christians.
Loneliness can also lead to desperation where one will settle for the
wrong friends or spouse. You are better off being single than marrying
the wrong person, cf. Prov.
19:13, 17:1, 21:9, etc.
c.
Potential for Selfishness – The Bible is clear that selfishness is ungodly (2 Tim.
3:1-5, Jas. 4:1-3, etc.).
Prov. 18:1 says, “A man who
isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise
judgment.” (NKJV) One
who is single doesn’t have to share or compromise in making decisions,
like one who has a family.
Sometimes you hear of those who don’t want to have children or a spouse
because they are selfish and don’t want to have to share their
possessions. How truly sad.
While some might not be a good spouse or parent (and ought to
weigh that), the truth is if your motives are selfishness, you have
bigger problems!
BUT, just because one does not have a spouse or children to care for
doesn’t mean he/she is free of responsibilities to others.
Every Christian is to be concerned about others.
All the “one another” passages must be considered – love, care
for, serve, be kind to, comfort, etc.).
It could very well be said that if you are single MORE may be
expected of you in thinking of others in certain things.
d.
Sexual temptation
– it is no secret that we live in a sensual society, where lust and
provocative situations are all around us.
In the Bible, the marriage bed is provided for the fulfillment of
our sexual desires – Heb. 13:4, 1 Cor. 7:2-5.
Those who are single do not have that provision and are thus
subjected to greater temptations in these matters.
Furthermore, society winks at fornication and even encourages it.
It is because of this that many freely avoid marriage while
engaging in actions reserved for married couples.
And at times even “Christians” justify such conduct saying, “I
know that God wants me to be happy.” Friends,
fornication is NEVER acceptable to God.
Don’t ever believe that God wants you to be happy MORE than He
wants you to be faithful and holy!
If you can’t control your desires, consider 1 Cor. 7:9, “if
they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry.
For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
a.
IF one chooses to live
the single life, or if that is your lot, there are some principles for
you to keep in mind that will help you remain godly.
b.
Accept your lot in life
– be content where you are at.
Paul challenges us to always be content regardless of our state -
Phil. 4:11-12. Even in 1
Corinthians 7:17-24 we are told to remain in whatever state we are in.
We are told there if we can improve ourselves to do so, but the
point is contentment. As
long as you are single, whether you want to be or not, you can make the
best of it.
c.
Develop a sense of spirituality – by spirituality, I mean that you seek first the
kingdom of God. It means
that walk according to the dictates of the Spirit (through His word).
Romans 8:5-6 says, “For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things
of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of
the Spirit. For to be
carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and
peace.”
Colossians 3:1-2 says,
“If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above,
where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on
things above, not on things on the earth.”
IF you are single, you are in a position where you can do more for the
kingdom of God. Remember
again 1 Corinthians 7:32-39 as to WHY Paul desired that they be single,
so that you be without care (of things that must be attended to if you
are married with a family), how you may be holy and live to please the
Lord, etc.
d.
Associate with the godly
– if you are single, as we have already noted, chances are you still
need friends. Choose who you
associate with wisely. Find
time to be with the godly. 1
Cor. 15:33 warns us about evil companionship (or company).
Prov. 13:20 says, “He who
walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will be
destroyed.”
e.
Develop godly habits
– give time to Bible study, prayer, attendance, and other things that
God expects of every Christian.
In a sense, you are on your own with these things and have more
“free time”. Give some of it
to God.
In 1 Cor. 7:5 where Paul was instructing married couples to come
together, he noted that one reason to be apart for a while was “that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer.”
Daniel, Paul & Jesus all continually engaged in prayer.
Paul’s custom was to reason from scripture (Acts 17:2).
f.
Do good for others – nowhere in the Bible is the isolated lifestyle commended.
We are to be in the world, but not of the world.
Christians live in the world and are to be involved in doing good
for others (Jas. 1:27, Gal. 6:10, 5:13 - serve one another.
g.
Seek godly wisdom from others - Just like every other Christian, you need advice from time
to time. Find godly men and
women to help you. Prov.
27:17 says, “As iron sharpens
iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.”
h.
Eliminate, at all costs,
sexual temptations
– you are still human and have God given desires.
Without a spouse to help you fulfill those desires, you need to
be extra careful to not put yourself in circumstances where you are
tempted. Our world if FILLED with
lustful temptation – on billboards, in music, books and magazines,
scantily clad men and women, television, the internet, movies and other
places. While every
Christian should avoid lustful desires, the truth is that in a healthy
marriage there is a provision for release.
That is absent among singles which is why it requires even MORE
diligence. Don’t forget
Paul’s admonition to Timothy in 2 Tim. 2:22 “Flee youthful lusts, but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with
those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
1 Cor. 6:18 says, “Flee sexual immorality.”
Song of Solomon says in 2:7 – speaking to the daughters of Jerusalem
they are charged, “Do not stir up
or awaken love until it pleases.”
The intent of that statement is, don’t awaken desires until you a
legitimate way to satisfy them.