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Sunday, October 23, 2011 am            Return to Home Study Index

Godly Homes in an Ungodly World (2)
The Act of Marriage

 Last week we began a study of the home as God would have it.  We noted numerous reasons for this study and established what we are going to study.  My goal is:

   1) to address this subject for those in this congregation who are not yet married giving them a Biblical standard to consider as they prepare for their future.  Other than the decision to obey the gospel, this is probably the MOST important decision you will make in your life.  You only get ONE chance to get it right!  

   2) To strengthen the marriages that already exist in our homes and be an influence to build up the Biblical concept of marriage everywhere as we have opportunity to set a godly example. 

We examined the state of marriage in this country noting that it has deteriorated in quality and quantity.  More people are cohabiting and more marriages are ending in divorce than a few decades ago.  The Biblical concept of marriage continues to face assault as God is driven from our society.  Therefore it is incumbent that we examine that we remind ourselves of what God wants from time to time.

We also briefly discussed what a Godly home will involve: It will be founded upon the principles of the Bible.  The Bible will be studied and God will be worshipped and reverenced by all within the home; everyone will seek to fulfill their roles as instructed by God.  We will see this developed throughout this study.

As we begin examining the various details of the Home we start with an examination of marriage itself.  That is where the Bible begins its study of the home and it is the foundation of everything else in the intact home.  I also begin with this lesson because I want the concept of what marriage is prevalent in our minds as we examine the things we need to do while preparing for marriage (dating, engagement, etc.).

 I.                    What is marriage?

a.        Defined – When you look this up in a modern dictionary you are going to find that the definition has changed in the past few years, and not for the good.

                                                   i.      Random House Dictionary, [1] “a. the social institution under which a man and woman establish their decision to live as husband and wife by legal commitments, religious ceremonies, etc... b. a similar institution involving partners of the same gender: gay marriage.”  NOTICE how society has amended this definition.

                                                  ii.      Webster’s legal dictionary (1996)[2] gives this definition, “the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a legal, consensual, and contractual relationship recognized and sanctioned by and dissolvable only by law”

                                                iii.      When we speak of marriage, we are interested in the Biblical definition. 
Nelson’s Bible Dictionary, “The union of a man and a woman as husband and wife, which becomes the foundation for a home and family.”[3]

                                                iv.      Genesis 2:24, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”  A text that summarizes what marriage is

b.       It is a God ordained institution – we noted in our last lesson, that marriage is the first of 3 institutions ordained by God, and it is the foundation of the others (government and the church).  As the home goes, so goes society and the church.  That is why it is important that we enter into a marriage for the right reasons.

c.        It is a covenant – an agreement that one enters into seriously and willingly, borne out of love between all parties involved.  It is a long-term agreement that formalizes a binding relationship between the parties. 
It involves a “contract” but is much more solemn and also involves relationships.    It is different from any contract in that contracts are often based upon mistrust (contracts are written to ensure that you fulfill your obligations according to the agreement) and impersonal.  Covenants are always personal and based upon trust.
When we describe marriage as a covenant we mean that vows are exchanged between the man and woman before God and witnesses to  lawfully and faithfully be joined to one another till separated by death.  We will deal more with this is a lesson addressing the wedding ceremony.

d.       It is the beginning of a new home unit – in marriage, a man and a woman leave their parents and begin their own home which they together will build into a happy and stable basic unit of society.

 II.                  What is the purpose of marriage?

a.       To provide needed human companionship

                                                   i.      Gen 2:18-25 - When God created Adam, He placed Him in the garden to tend to it.  As Adam named the animals God noted that there was not a mate suitable for Adam.  That is why He created woman for him.  And it is on this foundation that we read the first text dealing with marriage. 

                                                  ii.      One of the basest of needs that we all have is to love somebody and to be loved.  No one likes to be lonely.  Virtually everyone craves companionship. (Perhaps there are exceptions, but we know this is the rule).  Eccl. 4:9-12 describes this need.

                                                iii.      We all need someone that is suitable for us.  God provided the marriage relationship to develop a bond with someone that will abundantly fulfill this need

                                                iv.      NOTE: For a healthy marriage, we need to develop this companionship.  Remember that God said “it is not good that man should be alone”, but sadly there are within many homes loneliness!  And the reason is because husbands and wives are not properly fulfilling their roles as companions.  They ignore each other and are not seeking to feed their relationship.    There is little communication and little sharing with one another.  There is constant stress and fighting and very little happiness. This is NOT the companionship God desires to see in the home.   Husbands and wives need to be best friends.

b.       To propagate the human race

                                                   i.       Gen 1:28 – God told Adam and Eve, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.”   It is within the bounds of the godly marriage that we find God’s intent to populate the human race.

                                                  ii.      Sadly, we live in a society that does not see the marriage relationship as necessary.  That is why there are so many broken homes and dysfunctional families.  God never intended for us to breed like beasts.

                                                iii.      NOTE: While this study is not dealing with homosexuality, it is increasingly a subject that must be addressed in dealing with the home.  More and more states are allowing these ungodly unions.  Right now there are six states plus Washington DC that allow them and with all probability California will join their ranks soon.  So we have to address the sinfulness of this head on.

Consider this:  In a homosexual relationship, the ONLY way it is sustained is through recruitment or means outside the so-called relationship.  In other words, it is AGAINST NATURE (cf. Rom. 1:26-27).

c.        To prevent sexual immorality

                                                   i.      NOTE: This is not a comfortable subject to deal with in a public setting but it is still needed.  I preface this by saying it is also a Biblical subject.  We are talking about sexual relations.

                                                  ii.      It is no secret that man (and woman) has a sexual desire.  It is God given and it is not wrong.  It is necessary in order to fulfill the command to replenish the earth.
And even though it is a subject we shy away from for a number of reasons, sex is a wholesome thing when these desires are fulfilled within the boundaries portrayed in scripture.

                                                iii.      God has reserved sexual relations for the “marriage bed.”
Heb. 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled…”
Consider 1 Cor. 7:2-5 which not only places it within the realm of marriage (which means that it is reserved EXCLUSIVELY for the husband and HIS wife) but COMMANDS that both husband and wife not deprive one another of the fulfillment of this desire.  The text even says that to do so can lead to fornication (adultery).

                                                iv.      What about premarital relations?

1.        We live in a very immoral society concerning these things.  Whether or not fornication is sinful has been challenged, our youth and others are advised to “try it out” before you get married (sometimes by authority figures), they have redefined the terminology, we have shown that a larger portion of our society has chosen not to marry (yet many still engage in sexual relations) than just a few decades ago, selfish gratification is considered good, etc.  BUT even though such might be true, it does not change that fornication is still SINFUL!
June 2, 2011, www.usatoday.com posted an article in which it noted that more couples are cohabitating.  It cited statistics stating that unmarried couples made up 12% of US couples in 2010, up 25% from a decade earlier.  The article presents the reason as the economic environment we are living in.[4]

2.       Fornication is any form of sexual relations outside of the “marriage bed”.   And fornication is sinful!

3.       Please understand that within its proper setting, sex is a good thing, but outside of that realm it is sinful and filth.  Consider a garden where flowers are grown.  You go and pick up a handful of soil that is black, moist and filled with nutrients.  It is a beautiful thing and in its setting it produces beautiful roses and other flower.  But you take a big handful of that same soil into the house and throw it on a white linen tablecloth on the dining room table, it is no longer beautiful.  It is FILTH!  The same is true of sexual relations. 

4.       Read again, the rest of Hebrews 13:4, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”
Ephesians 5:5 says that no fornicator “has any inheritance in the kingdom of God.”

d.       To develop & nurture an atmosphere of love in which children can be reared

                                                   i.      Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

                                                  ii.      Ephesians 6:4 commands fathers to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  
Wives are to “love their children” and be “homemakers” (Titus 2:4-5) and that she will “be saved in childbearing” (2 Tim. 2:15 – NOTE: rather than being about the ability to conceive, the command addressing her fulfilling her role in raising the children.)
The ideal environment for this is a home patterned after the Bible with both father and mother present.  And it is a PURPOSE for marriage.

                                                iii.      This concept is also under assault.  It is not uncommon now to see single parents, sometimes it is done deliberately.  As we noted last week, there is a drastic decrease in the number of marriages, this in spite of an increasing population.  In fact, one survey noted that 40% of children are being raised without their fathers.[5]

                                                iv.      It has been shown in statistics that when a child is raised in a family without a father, he is much more likely to have serious problems than those raised in a stable home.
According to Wade Horn and Andrew Bush, 70% of long-term prison inmates grew up without fathers.  Fatherless children are 3 times more likely to fail school, require psychiatric treatment or commit suicide as adolescents.[6]

                                                  v.      The marriage relationship provides a stable environment for raising children that drastically increases the chance of success.  And as such, for the betterment of society.

e.       To help each other develop spiritually

                                                   i.      Getting to heaven is not an easy thing.  We need others to help us get there.  That is one function of the church itself.  Continually we emphasize the importance of our brethren.

                                                  ii.      If a marriage relationship is founded upon our relationship with Christ, together we can strengthen each other spiritually.  God intended it to be that way.

                                                iii.      Sadly, many marriages, even among Christians do not begin with this goal or purpose in mind.  It is extremely difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with God when your spouse will not support you in your efforts.  Paul warned the Corinthians in 2 Cor. 6:14-15, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.  For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness?  And what communion has light with darkness?   And what accord has Christ with Belial?  Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever?...”

                                                iv.      In Eph. 5:22-32 we find the relationship between the Christ and His church compared to the proper husband/wife relationship. While Paul is trying to emphasize the importance of the church he also describes the marriage relationship.  The analogy is possible because of the spiritual implications attached to the marriage relationship (made in heaven, etc.)

                                                  v.      1 Pet. 3:7 – Note what it says, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.”

 

Conclusion: Thus we can see that marriage serves an important purpose(s) in our spiritual development.  It is God’s way to establish healthy homes in which to raise stable children and to build up nations that fear Him and treat others equitably.  It is truly tragic that so many dismiss its importance and sanctity in our world today.

But the wonderful thing about the marriage relationship is that how successful YOUR marriage is does NOT depend upon society’s concept – it depends upon what you and your spouse are willing to do.  Your marriage can thrive, regardless of what happens around you and regardless of where you are at (i.e. not married yet or in a marriage).  May this study give you the understanding necessary to make that happen.