Sunday, October 30, 2011
am
GODLY HOMES IN AN
UNGODLY WORLD – 3
Divorce (and Remarriage)
As
we continue our study of the home, we follow-up last week’s lesson with
a lesson on divorce and remarriage. While
last week’s lesson dealt with uncomfortable subject matter, this week we
deal with unpleasant things.
It
is a sad reality, but the subject of divorce must be dealt with. As with
last week’s lesson on the purpose of marriage, this is at the beginning
of this study because the topic needs to be clearly understood BEFORE
marriage takes place. And as
we begin discussing preparation for marriage and dating, these thoughts
need to be in our mind.
a.
In both lessons in our
study thus far we have noted this point.
It is IMPORTANT! The
Bible is unmistakably clear that marriage is intended to last “till
death do us part.”
b.
Gen. 2:24
says, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined
to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
c.
Matt. 19:4-6, Jesus added, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.
Therefore what God has joined together do not let man separate.”
Furthering the pursuit, the Pharisees asked Jesus why Moses
permitted divorce. This
prompted Jesus to say, “’Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts,
permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not
so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual
immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries
her who is divorced commits adultery." (Matt. 19:8-9)
d.
Romans 7:2-3
says, “For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as
long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law
of her husband. 3 So then if, while her husband lives, she marries
another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies,
she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has
married another man.”
e.
1 Corinthians 7:39
repeats this same idea.
f.
It CANNOT be disputed
that God intends for a marriage to last for life.
We MUST build our study of the home and marriage upon this
premise.
a.
We have shown that
marriage in our country is not given the high honor it once had.
While a majority still views marriage as an institution to be
reverenced, the numbers who believe so are steadily declining.
i.
In a recent survey
released by the Pew Research Center, 2691 Americans were surveyed.
They were asked if marriage is becoming obsolete.
39% percent said it is.
This compared to a Time magazine survey in 1978 which only 28%
agreed.[1]
ii.
Many avoid marriage all
together (while seeking the benefits God reserved for it), others end
their marriages for multitudes of reasons.
Many states have no-fault divorces – permitting divorce for any
or no reason at all. Some
states, (California, Georgia, Hawaii, Indiana, Louisiana and Minnesota)
do not release divorce statistics. (I wonder why?)
Many couples who do marry have taken, “till death do us part” out
of their vows. Furthermore,
it is not uncommon to see celebrities and other high-profile individuals
divorce and remarry at will and at times over and over, with seemingly
little concern from society.
b.
We have shown that
statistics demonstrate the divorce rate is higher now than decades ago.
And while it is not at record highs, the numbers are still
alarming. There is clearly
less commitment to the act of marriage now than in times past in this
nation.
c.
CORRECTION: In my
introductory lesson, I noted that the divorce rate is nearly 50%.
That number was based upon the number of marriages and divorces
that take place within a given year. (i.e.
I was informed that such a statistic is not accurate because the
average marriage lasts longer than a year - I believe the number is
somewhere around 8 years[2]).
The 50% number is based upon
statistics (where available) that show that for every 2 marriages there
is 1 divorce (For example, the CDC reported that in 2009 there were 6.8
marriages per 1000 and 3.4 divorces per 1000[3]).
Obtaining accurate divorce statistics are difficult because of a
number of factors involved in census information and numerous surveys
and their methods, and that makes it hard to achieve an accurate number.
But we KNOW the number is HIGH.
AND it is generally PROJECTED (based on numerous surveys and
studies) that the likelihood of a young couple divorcing is between
40-50% if TRENDS continue at current pace.
This is not intended to discourage marriage but to ALARM those getting
married to take it more seriously.
AND from a Biblical perspective it IS a problem.
In fact, the circumstances under
which you marry (factors including economic stability, age, education,
religion, family marital history, etc.) drastically affect your
individual chances of a successful marriage.
This is one of the reasons WHY we are engaged in this study!
d.
Furthermore, it has been
documented that divorce has an overall negative impact on society and
the families involved.
Children from divorced families are more like to experience problems
requiring professional help (Note: To be fair, the majority of children
involved in divorce recover without any major issues – but the numbers
needing help are higher – i.e. 90% of children in intact family are in
“normal range” while 74% of boys and 66% of girls from divorced families
are in normal range[4]).
e.
Children from divorced
families are more likely to have problems with:[5]
i.
Parental loss – loss of
contact with a parent.
Children are the victims of divorce.
They often loose contact and time with someone they love and that
needs to be in their life.
ii.
Economic loss – single
parents struggle more to make ends meet.
iii.
More stressful life –
changes in living environments, dealing with adjustments, etc.
iv.
Poor parental
adjustments – the stress of parents affects the children.
v.
Parental incompetence –
how can a mother do the job of a father OR a father do the job of a
mother?
vi.
Conflict between parents
– they experience the hostility and tension.
It causes children to feel guilty, confused and alone.
f.
Other observations:
i.
Children of divorced
parents are statistically more likely to divorce themselves or to not
marry.
ii.
They are at greater risk
to develop health problems[6]
iii.
They are more likely to
be involved in crime and to be victims of abuse.
a.
Where there is divorce,
sin is ALWAYS involved.
NEVER in the Bible is divorce looked upon favorably.
There were times when it was permitted, but that still did not
make it good.
i.
It was permitted under
the Old Law – Matt. 19:8, but it was not what God intended.
ii.
It is permitted even
now, but ONLY for one cause – fornication (adultery) – Matt. 19:9.
NOTE: That even in this circumstance, while the innocent party
may be innocent as to the divorce and remarriage, the cause of the
divorce IS sin – by the guilty party.
The reason divorce is permitted in this case is because the
marriage covenant was broken.
b.
Malachi 2:13-16
– let us start with an Old Testament passage.
“And this is the second thing you do: You cover the altar of the Lord
with tears, With weeping and crying; So He does not regard the offering
anymore, Nor receive it with goodwill from your hands. 14 Yet you say,
"For what reason?" Because the Lord has been witness between you and the
wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is
your companion And your wife by covenant. 15 But did He not make them
one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly
offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal
treacherously with the wife of his youth. 16 "For
the Lord God of Israel says That He hates divorce, For it covers one's
garment with violence" Says the Lord of hosts. "Therefore take heed
to your spirit, That you do not deal treacherously."
In this text we learn an absolute truth about God and divorce – HE HATES
IT! For us that ought to be
the prime factor as we examine what the Bible says about marriage.
Several years ago, a preacher dealing with the subject of divorce said “the
best thing that can be said about divorce is that it is worse than
death.” In so many
instances that is a true statement.
With death there is finality.
Studies have shown that children deal better with the death of a
parent than with a bitter divorce arrangement.
Often in divorce, there is hatred, animosity; children are used
as pawns, etc. Add to this
all the observations made above, we can understand this statement.
c.
Matthew 5:31-32, "Furthermore it has been said,
'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'
32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason
except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever
marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.”
NOTE how in this text Jesus emphasizes the ONLY acceptable cause
for divorce is fornication.
d.
Matthew 19:8-9
repeats this exception and permits the innocent party to remarry.
We will discuss this text more when we speak of who may remarry.
e.
Mark 10:1-12
seems to be Mark’s account of the above occasion.
Mark doesn’t deal with the exception but straightforward the
answer to the question. What
is interesting about this text is that in vs. 12 he speaks of the woman
divorcing her husband and marrying another.
From this we glean that the message goes both ways (husband
divorcing wife OR wife divorcing husband.)
f.
1 Cor. 7:10-16 – “Now to the married I command,
yet not I but the Lord: A wife is
not to depart from her husband. 11 But even if she does depart, let
her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
And a husband is not to divorce
his wife.” The
remainder of the text deals with an unbelieving spouse.
Concerning this text we note:
i.
VS. 10 - The wife is NOT
to depart from her husband (does this include separation?)
ii.
Vs. 11 – “But if she
does depart” – some are using this as a justification to depart and
divorce under certain circumstances so long as one does not remarry.
But that is NOT the point of the text.
Paul is simply acknowledging that at times it does happen (and
when it does there is sin which MUST be repented of).
A similar example of this is 1 John 2:1, John is writing “so that
you may not sin.” But then
he adds, “And if anyone sins, we have an advocate with the Father…” Is
John saying that it is permissible to sin?
NO! But if it
happens, we have a way to be forgiven.
iii.
Vs. 11 – the results –
remain unmarried OR be reconciled to her husband.
iv.
Vs. 12-16 are dealing
with a spiritually “mixed” marriage.
In all probability, one spouse was converted and the other was
not after their marriage. IN
such instances, Paul repeats the preference is that they NOT divorce.
In fact, he notes the unbelieving spouse and children are “sanctified”
by the believer (i.e. the home has a better chance of godliness; the
spouse and/or children of being converted, etc.)
v.
BUT it could be that the
unbeliever departs, not wanting to remain with their Christian spouse.
If so, Paul states that the spouse is “not under bondage”.
This does NOT say they then have a right to remarry.
Rather, that if the unbelieving spouse leaves (and divorces), you
are not obligated to fulfill your duties as spouse.
In other words, you are not in sin, though divorced.
NOTE how it is the unbeliever who does the departing.
The Christian, versed in God’s law KNOWS BETTER!
vi.
AS you examine this
passage it is NOT teaching that divorce is acceptable!
Several years ago, an article was published entitled, “What Divorce
Papers Say” (Dick Blackford).
While not all are true in every circumstance, divorce papers say:
·
I have failed in one of
the most important and basic relationships in life.
·
I have failed to keep
one of the most important vows I ever made
·
I am self-centered
·
I am a weakling
·
I may cause my mate to
commit adultery
·
I have put asunder that
which God joined together.
Think about it.
In our next lesson we will discuss the even more controversial,
remarriage.
[2]
From the U.S.
Census Bureau, Survey of Income and Program Participation
(SIPP), Median Duration of Marriages (2004 data): Duration
of first marriage for those whose first marriage ended in
divorce: Men: 8.1 years
Women: 7.8 years
[4] Hughes,
Robert; The effects of
divorce on Children, 2009.
http://parenting247.org/article.cfm?ContentID=646
[5] Ibid.