Sunday, November 13, 2011 am
GODLY HOMES IN AN
UNGODLY WORLD (5)
Divorce and Remarriage 3
Thus far we have examined the act of marriage, what the Bible says about
divorce and last week we examined who has a right to marry a 2nd
time. We determined that the
Bible gives provisions for remarriage when a spouse dies (Rom. 7:2-3, 1
Cor. 7:39) and in Matthew 19:9 Jesus said, “And
I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality,
and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is
divorced commits adultery.”
The context indicates that the innocent party whose spouse has
violated the marriage covenant through fornication (which is any
unlawful sexual relations outside of the marriage bed – Heb. 13:4) has
the right to divorce (Matt. 5:31-32) and remarry (Matt. 19:9).
Other than that, God will not recognize a marriage and therefore,
those who are in an unscriptural marriage are living in adultery (Matt.
5:32, 14:4, Ezra 10:1-4, 1 Cor. 5:1-2).
HOWEVER, because of the emotional nature of the consequences of divorce
and remarriage, which might include children, many have “reexamined”
Matt. 19:9 and other texts to allow for some, if not all marriages which
take place after a divorce to be spiritually legalized.
While the intent is good (and it makes our jobs of seeking the
lost easier if we don’t have to address this subject) it perverts the
word of God. In our lesson
today, we want to examine some of the ways this subject has been
interpreted, almost always permitting divorce where God has not allowed
it. We will also address
what God expects for a couple who discovers that they are in an
unscriptural marriage.
What Jesus taught is NOT
universally accepted today. In fact, because this is an unpopular saying
of Jesus, it has been manipulated to allow divorces and remarriage for
reasons other than the exception Jesus permitted.
Some add a single circumstance while others will go as far as
universal permission (i.e. you can remarry for any reason).
Among the arguments that are made:
a.
This law only applies to believers. Some advocate
that divorces which occurred before one obeys the gospel, do not apply
to the law of Matt. 19:9.
They contend that since one repents before obeying the gospel the
consequences of this sin are washed away in baptism.
Therefore, once on becomes a Christian they are obligated to stay
with their current spouse applying the laws of God.
Homer Hailey advocated this position openly toward the end of his life.
But Jesus said, “From the beginning it was not so.”
Jesus indicated in our text (Matt. 19:8).
Also, such an argument disregards what the Bible teaches about
repentance which we will discuss in a few moments.
b.
It was a part of the Old
Law.
Some argue that what Jesus taught was under the Old Law and
therefore doesn’t apply today.
(NOTE: This is sometimes used to argue that divorce is not
permitted under ANY circumstance, including the exception of Matt.
19:9.)
But as it reads, Jesus is teaching more than the Old Law.
The Old Law permitted divorce for reasons other than fornication.
What Jesus says doesn’t!
Matt. 19:9 begins, “And I say to you” in contrast to the Law.
Also, the gospels were written AFTER the church was established to
establish that Jesus IS the founder of the New Law. It explains what
Jesus intended to bring in.
Also, this ignores other passages we have noted in Romans and 1
Corinthians. If anything, it
would remove the exception for fornication.
c.
Distinguishing between putting away and divorce.
IT is argued that what Jesus was condemning was the neglect of a
wife that was put away but not divorced (and therefore she could not
remarry). But Jesus is
answering a question about the certificate of DIVORCE which did permit
remarriage (cf. Deut. 24:1-4, etc.).
Jesus restricts BEYOND the law dealing with divorce.
d.
Mental divorce.
It is argued that if one divorces a spouse for reasons other than
fornication, he/she can wait until their mate commits adultery and then
mentally divorce them (Since marriage takes place before God and can
only be scripturally dissolved by God).
This is NOT supported by any text and is gross perversion of God’s laws.
In fact, when you consider Matt. 5:32 when it talks about “causes
her to commit adultery” it would address this very thing and place GUILT
on the one divorcing for a reason other than fornication.
You are NOT innocent.
Consider one’s neglect of their obligations as recorded in 1 Cor. 7:1-5.
e.
IF the innocent party
can remarry, then so can the guilty party because God recognizes the
divorce.
But that provision is NOT stated in the text.
Again read Matt. 5:32 and if the final phrase of Matt. 19:9
belongs, it qualifies that the one who is divorced if they remarry are
guilty of adultery – PERIOD! (Except the death of the spouse)
ONE of the consequences of this is that if a couple wants to divorce,
they can agree for one to deliberately go out and commit fornication so
that they can divorce and remarry.
In other words, they are complicit in sinful conduct so that they
can get out of their marriage.
How pathetic, but why is that not possible if the guilty party
can also remarry? Isn’t this
saying there is no real and lasting consequence to breaking your
marriage vows?
NOTE: After last week’s lesson I
was informed of a congregation in the northwest where a couple that
wanted to divorce went to the elders.
The elders counseled them by saying something to this effect, “If
one of you goes out and commits adultery, you can divorce and both
remarry.”
Friends, I ask, WHERE
in scripture does God approve of an ESCAPE from consequences of one’s
actions by committing sin????????
f.
Repent of past divorce(s). Some will say if
you repent of your divorce, you can remain with your current spouse and
resolve to not divorce again.
This misunderstands repentance
which involves making wrongs right to the best of your ability (cf. 2
Cor. 7:10-11).
g.
Matt. 5:27-28 – Lust is cause for adultery.
Some argue that if one is guilty of viewing pornography that is
grounds (or could lead to grounds) for divorce.
i.
In this age of instant
lustful gratification, there are many who get caught up in the game of
lust. Pornography is readily
available in our homes and in numerous other venues.
While pornography is sinful, based upon Matt. 5:28 and other
texts (Gal. 5:19 – lewdness, 2 Pet. 2:14, Prov. 6:25, etc.) and calls
for repentance as any other sin.
ii.
if you examine the
message of Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus is using extreme
examples to drive home the point of the terribleness of sin.
In the same context, Jesus says to cut off your right hand or
pluck out your right eye if they offend you (cause you to sin) – Matt.
5:29-30. He also said that
“whoever is angry with his brother without a cause is in danger of the
judgment.” (Matt. 5:21-22), a description that under the Old Law was
used for the murderer.
iii.
The point Jesus was
making is that you need to address the underlying attitudes and motives
to prevent the actual crimes (i.e. murder and adultery).
He also notes that SIN occurs well before the extreme acts and it
needs to be repented of.
iv.
BUT, fornication is a
physical act in which the marriage bed is defiled by engaging in
unlawful sexual relations.
Pornography does not meet that standard.
v.
This is NOT to trivialize the sin of pornography.
It can destroy trust and intimacy in a marriage relationship,
damage one’s moral constitution, it can distort one’s mind as to what
the marriage bed consists of, and it often LEADS TO fornication
(consider WHY Jesus gave this warning in the first place).
And it can lead to a multitude of sins.
The Bible says that we should flee these desires (1 Cor. 6:18, 2 Tim.
2:22 – youthful lusts, Rom. 6:12, 1 Pet. 2:11 – abstain from fleshly
lusts, etc.).
Job said, “I have made a covenant with my eyes; why then should I look
upon a young woman.” (Job 31:1).
What wonderful advice for all of us to consider!
h.
Others could be added to
these.
But in each case, it requires a manipulation or complex
interpretation of a PLAIN passage of scripture.
How would a 6th grader interpret Matt. 19:9?
As with so many doctrines today, it takes help (i.e. man’s
wisdom) to misunderstand it!
i.
NOTE: One final
observation I want to make about these arguments.
Do you firmly believe what God says about this subject? (I didn’t
ask if you like it) IF so,
STAND UP AND DEFEND THE TRUTH and condemn that which is error!
Souls are at stake!
Churches have divided over this issue.
Some churches have chosen to IGNORE the issue or avoid dealing
with it. Others have advocated
outright error and are in effect fellowshipping adulterers.
That is a pathetic way to deal
with souls that are in danger of being lost. IF you know of a brother in
sin you are OBLIGATED to go to him and warn him and give him an
opportunity to repent (Jas. 5:19-20, Gal. 6:1, etc.)
This subject is a matter of moral conduct which IS important to
God (cf. 1 Cor. 5:1-7) and addresses the deeper issue of RESPECT for the
authority of the word of God.
IF A CONGREGATION WILL NOT STAND FOR THE TRUTH ON THIS SUBJECT or any
other it is UNSOUND (cf. Rev. 2:12-17, 18-29)!
If WE KNOW THAT A CONGREGATION IS UNSOUND, WE SHOULD NOT HAVE ANY
FELLOWSHIP WITH THEM or leave the impression that they are fine when we
know better! Ephesians 5:11
says, “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather
expose them.”
2 John 9-11 deals with one who comes to you with something other than
the truth (i.e. the doctrine of Christ).
John says that if you receive him you share in his evil deeds.
Brethren, it’s time to take a stand!
a.
Understand that God does
NOT recognize the marriage.
Therefore, as long as you remain in that relationship you are guilty of
adultery (Matt. 5:31-32, 19:8-9, etc.).
You tell me what he should do!
b.
He/she has to repent.
That means dissolving the
unscriptural relationship.
i.
Repentance means “to
change one’s mind”. It does
NOT simply mean to say, “I’m sorry and won’t do that again.” (cf. 2 Cor.
7:10). It is a change
of mind that leads to a change of conduct.
It is best described in 2 Cor. 7:11.
In essence you do what you have to do to prove yourself “clear in
this matter”.
ii.
We understand that when
one repents it might involve the need to make right that which you have
wronged. For example, if you
stole something and then obeyed the gospel, you know that you cannot
keep that which you stole. IT is still NOT YOURS! You have to return it
and face the consequences.
Recall what Zacchaeus said in Luke 19:8, “Look,
Lord, I give half my goods to the poor; and if I have taken anything
from anyone by false accusation, I restore fourfold.”
That is repentance!
iii.
A homosexual who obeys
the gospel must QUIT engaging in homosexual activity (cf. 1 Cor. 6:9-11,
“and such were some of you…”).
A drunkard must quit drinking.
A gambler must quit gambling. A sexually promiscuous single must
quit fornicating. We know
this.
iv.
What makes an
unscriptural marriage any different than these things?
You can argue the emotions of the sin and how God desires that
one marry rather than burn (1 Cor. 7:8), but that doesn’t change the
consequences of your actions.
Repentance means making right what you can make right.
v.
Simply stated, if you
are in an adulterous marriage, you have to dissolve it and live as a
“eunuch for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”
Matthew 19:10-12
c.
The Bible DOES give an
example of unscriptural marriages being dissolved.
Ezra 10:1-4, 44. The
people had married foreign wives which God forbade.
They were to put them away.
NOTE: Some of these marriages involved children.
d.
One might argue that you
are dissolving a loving relationship, when the previous relationship
“was a mistake”. Some argue
that you are breaking up families. Some argue that you are putting one
in circumstance that they cannot fulfill – (i.e. 1 Cor. 7:9 – better to
marry than to burn – NOTE: read the context.
It doesn’t justify unscriptural marriages.).
i.
All such arguments are
SUBJECTIVE. They are based
upon
emotions! Don’t base
your salvation on “I think”!
“There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of
death.” (Prov. 14:12, 16:25)
Paul “thought” he was doing the right thing while persecuting Christians
(Ac. 26:9).
ii.
Such does not change
what the Bible says. Are we
to infer that we must only change those things which are easy to change
when we learn the truth? WHO
determines what is too hard to change?
iii.
Do you want to risk your
soul on what you THINK God will accept?
Also realize that you are gambling with your soul and you place
your brethren in a dilemma that could engager their souls as well (be
fellowshipping error).
And
thus we can see what the Bible teaches about who can marry, divorce and
remarry. This is a difficult
subject and it is not pleasant.
But, as with all that God says, we must respect His boundaries.
I have spent considerable time discussing this BECAUSE we MUST
take our marriages seriously.
And the time to realize that is BEFORE you say, “I do.”
In our next lesson we will examine some things we ought to do to
prepare for marriage.