Sunday, November 20, 2011 am
GODLY HOMES IN AN
UNGODLY WORLD (6)
Preparing for Marriage - 1
A.
Why prepare for
marriage?
i.
Preparation for anything is crucial for success.
We understand the importance of preparation in everything.
It is needed as you begin your career, or even when you go on a
trip.
Preparation is a Biblical principle – Matt. 25:1-13 speaks of the wise
and foolish virgins.
Luke 14:27-33 speaks of counting the cost.
Jesus, before making important decisions made preparations by praying,
etc.
Considering the importance of marriage and the home, preparations ought
to a great priority.
ii.
The stability of a godly family depends upon it
Why are so many homes so miserable today?
Because far too many fail to take it seriously.
They enter into relationships with false expectations and a
fairy-tale mentality. (I’m not saying you don’t need high expectations
but that they need to be REALISTIC).
They enter into these relationships without weighing the cost
(far too many think of it as a temporary arrangement).
Others fail to seriously anticipate the problems that will arise.
iii.
Marriage is for grown-ups.
Marriage is NOT a game or a Harlequin romance novel!
Far too many today are in love with being in love and the
fluttering heart. The choice
you make will have a bearing on the rest of your life, and it could have
a bearing on your eternity.
I ask, what do you do when the newness wears off?
Gen. 2:24 tells us it is the start of a new home unit where the husband
takes his wife. He has to
provide for his family and she has to understand her role to her
husband. Prov. 31 describes
the virtuous woman (wife) who understands her responsibilities and
carries them out.
iv.
Marriage is for life!
There are no “do-overs”! A
poor choice could mean a life of misery.
That is NOT what God intends for our homes.
(Note: While the divorce rate among those who understand what the
Bible says about this subject is lower than the rest of society, it does
not always mean that their homes are happy.
What we want is godly homes that are thriving and happy.)
B.
When does preparation
begin?
i.
To greatly enhance the
chance for success, you start early and you teach it often.
ii.
Before you start dating
(next week) you need to understand what marriage and your role will be.
Hopefully your parents and others have done what they can to
guide you in the right direction.
iii.
Start teaching while
they are young –
BUT the actual preparation begins when you as a parent start teaching
your child. And it is NEVER
too early!
From an early age a child needs to EXPERIENCE love and security.
He needs to know that his parents will take care of him.
Timothy from childhood knew the scriptures – 2 Tim. 3:15.
iv.
Parents need to realize
that this child has a soul that will spend eternity somewhere.
More than anyone else, they will
have the greatest influence on that child.
v.
Live your part – this is
crucial. Children need to
see godly fathers who lead with love and mothers who understand their
roles and fulfill them according to God’s pattern.
Statistics show that broken homes and welfare homes breed the
same. While some work their
way out of it, they are the exception rather than the rule.
Most follow the lead of their parents (or guardians) whether for
good or bad.
Prov. 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he
is old he will not depart from it.”
Ezekiel 16:44-45 speaks of the proverb, “Like mother, like daughter.”
The context deals with the tragedy of rejecting God because
parents failed to lead by godly example.
vi.
We will have more to say
about this when we discuss parents.
But for now the point we are driving home is that preparation for
marriage begins with dad and mom at the very outset.
I once heard of a new mother who was holding her child for the
first time and she whispered in her ear, “Don’t ever get divorced.”
With commitment, that child will be raised understanding what
God’s word says about the permanency of marriage.
a.
Before you get married
you need to know what the purpose of marriage is (see lesson 2).
WE have already discussed this in our study – 1) Provide
companionship, 2) procreation of the human race,
3)to prevent sexual immorality, 4) to develop an atmosphere of
love and safety in which to rear children, and
5) to help each other develop spiritually.
b.
Wrong reasons to get
married
i.
Many marriages that go wrong began wrong,
and there are many wrong reasons behind it.
ii.
Some marry for materialistic reasons
– social status, the big wedding ceremony (i.e. in love with the party),
etc. Such things are far too
common in our wealthy society.
1 Tim. 6:10 says the love of money is the root of all kinds of
evil and often leads to sorrow.
iii.
To get away from home – there are some who can’t wait to get away from their home
so they marry the first guy (or gal) that comes along and will say yes.
Such is foolish impulse and almost always leads to a miserable
marriage and family. The
reason? There is NO foundation!
Hear me clearly – IF you are contemplating marriage because you want to
get out from under your parent’s rule – YOU ARE TOO IMMATURE TO GET
MARRIED!
iv.
Because you “have to” – because fornication is so frivolously ignored in our
society, there are many who give into passions and face the consequences
– an unwanted pregnancy.
Some believe that to make it right, they need to get married.
This is one of the WORST reasons to get married.
Often there is no real love in the relationship and it is a
prescription for disaster.
Think about it – you are being pressured into getting married for the
wrong reasons. And even if
the marriage does well (and it can) the beginning of the marriage
relationship is fraught with difficulties some of which may alter the
household (i.e. financial stability, finishing education, getting to
know each other better before children come along, etc.).
IF you have committed fornication, you already have sin to repent of.
Don’t make matters worse by entering into a marriage covenant
that you know should not have happened (cf. Eccl. 5:6)
v.
Because you are getting to old – age doesn’t change the rules of service to God and the
importance of marriage.
vi.
Because you think you can change him/her.
I don’t know how to emphasize this strongly enough!
DON’T EVER enter into a relationship thinking you can change
someone.
IF someone will not obey the gospel before you get married, chances are
they will not obey the gospel afterwards.
IF someone has been abusive to you in ANY way before marriage,
don’t expect them to change afterwards.
If someone has bad habits – laziness, disrespect for authority,
profanity, a lustful heart, etc. – don’t expect them to change after you
get married.
Gal. 6:7 says, “Do not be
deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also
reap.” If you marry
someone that doesn’t treat you right BEFORE the marriage – don’t
complain when he/she continues to mistreat you after the marriage.
You made the choice!
Are there exceptions to this?
Absolutely! Many
people grow up and change.
The Bible talks about being godly examples to unbelieving spouses and
converting them (1 Pet. 3:1-2, 1 Cor. 7: 16, etc.).
BUT it doesn’t always happen and it is FOOLISH to enter into a
lifelong relationship with false hope.
Jer. 13:23 says, “Can an Ethiopian change his skin or a leopard
his spots? Then may you also
do good who are accustomed to do evil.” He was saying that they were NOT
going to change.
c.
It is BETTER to stay
single than to marry for the wrong reason –
i.
1 Cor. 7:8-9 – Paul
advised that it be better to remain single than get married (concerning
the present distress). Paul
was not belittling marriage, but he did make the point that marriage
requires paying attention to the family and thus less time to serve the
Lord. NOTE that he does
acknowledge that it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
ii.
Matt. 19:10-12 speaks of
Eunuchs, some “for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.”
iii.
Friend, rather than
marrying for a wrong reason, you are better off staying single.
Marrying the wrong person will be met with regret hastily, and
then you must face the consequences of your decision.
d.
How can I know if this
is the right one?
i.
Ask, “Do I REALLY love
him/her”? There has to be
love (God’s standard) for a marriage to thrive (not merely survive).
And we are NOT talking about the feeling of infatuation here!
ii.
Ask: “Is God pleased
with my selection?”
To answer this question you have to understand what He says about
marriage and the home. Have you set your standards based upon God’s
word?
Will God be a primary consideration in the decisions you make?
Is he/she a Christian? (more on
this in our next lesson).
iii.
What do my parents and
TRUE friends think of my choice? (NOTE: Who are my TRUE friends?)
iv.
What type of background
does he/she come from? NOTE:
While this is not a “deal-breaker” you need to consider their attitudes
about their background? How
do they act? How does the
boy treat his mother? How well does she keep house? What is the
character of the father/mother?
Do you see those traits prevalent (good or bad) in your choice?
NOTE: This is where a LONG engagement becomes helpful.
v.
What do you instincts
say? When everything else is
in place. Is there real
doubt? WHY?
e.
Am I ready to get
married?
i.
Long engagements are a
good thing, especially in the superficial society we live in.
The better you get to know someone, the more stable your
relationship will be.
ii.
Do you understand your
objectives and roles? Both men and women.
Are you ready to fulfill your roles?
Are you prepared for children?
iii.
Are you ready to make
the necessary sacrifices? The selfishness of our society is so prevalent
around us. You better
understand up front, that successful relationships require you to think
more about your spouse and their needs than about yourself.
Phil. 2:3 says, “Let nothing be
done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let
each esteem others better than himself.”
While Paul’s primary thought here concerns the way Christians are
to treat one another (and those of the world), the attitude would
certainly include the way we treat our spouses and our family.
Paul dealt with this in MORE detail in 1 Cor. 7:4-5, Eph. 5:28-29, etc.
iv.
Men - can you provide
for your family? Are you ready to take responsibility for the home?
Women – are you willing to submit to this man?
Are you ready to fulfill your God given role?
IF children come along, are you ready to raise them?
v.
Reasonable doubt – we
understand this concept in courts of law.
There is always a hint of doubt.
And when one is considering marriage, there is going to be some
doubt. IF it is not there, I
would be concerned. But my
point is that if you have made preparations and seriously thought it
through you will KNOW if you are ready and if the one you are
considering is the right one.
These are some things to consider as you PREPARE for marriage.
In our next lesson we are going to talk about dating and the
engagement period. We will
also discuss marrying a Christian.
Many of the things we have mentioned in this lesson will also be
covered in more detail as this study progresses (roles of husband, wife,
parents, etc.). May we not
take these things lightly!
Our wellbeing and our eternity are at stake. I humbly submit these
thoughts to all.