Sunday, December 10, 2011 am
GODLY HOMES IN AN
UNGODLY WORLD (9)
The Role of Husband
Today we begin the second portion of our study of the home.
In this portion of our study we want to examine the various roles
that God has outlined for a home to thrive according to His will.
It involves everyone within the home understanding their roles
and being willing to fulfill those roles.
Today we want to begin with the role of the husband.
WE
are living in a society where God’s role for the husband has been
confused. Many wives
will not agree to submit to their husbands and many husbands will not
stand up and take the lead within their homes.
There are also husbands that are overbearing and selfish and
there are those who have outright surrendered their headship to their
wives. It is rare to find a
happy relationship in which such things are the case.
Furthermore the concept of a stable husband is often portrayed
negatively in our media.
Often times the father is an idiot, a beer-drinking slob who is little
interested in his relationship with his wife.
Usually it is the husband who is neglectful or abusive within the
relationship. Such
things do not promote a godly attitude of the husband.
With that in mind, let us examine what the Bible does say about
the husband.
a.
It is only one part of
his life even in marriage.
He still has a role in society, as a father if so blessed, and
especially as a Christian.
In saying this we are describing something contradictory but
complimentary. All of his
roles ought to work together and they will if he respects God’s word.
b.
The role of the husband
becomes the foundation of what the home will become.
c.
It is a role that takes
1st priority save one’s relationship with God (and as we
shall see, He regulates our role as husband).
In other words, your role as husband is first before your job,
your friends, your hobbies, other family members, your good works and
even your role as father.
Why? This is not to say that some of these things are not extremely
important because they are, BUT how you build your relationship with
your spouse will have a bearing on everything else:
i.
If you are not the
husband you ought to be you will probably not be the father you ought to
be.
ii.
Jobs, friends and other
things may change, but you can’t change wives.
iii.
You need your wife to
support you when you have difficult decisions to make that will affect
all in the household.
iv.
How many marriages have
been ruined because the man refuses to honor his wife as he ought to?
d.
In his book, Man of
Steel and Velvet, Aubrey Andelin describes from a Biblical
perspective a man having two sides – one of steel and one of velvet.
i.
As a man of steel he is
the head of his house. He is
a guide, protector and provider.
He is masculine, a builder of society and he has confidence in
what he does. He makes his
family feel secure and safe as he cares for them.
Because of this “steel side” his wife can feel like the woman she
wants to be.
ii.
As a man of velvet he is
gentle, understanding of his wife, has an attractive disposition, humble
and refined. He promotes
good human relations with all people and brings out love in his wife and
children – mainly because he is easy to love.
iii.
The premise of this book
was to develop godly husbands, but toward the conclusion of his book he
summarizes what he is talking about with the example of Jesus Christ
Himself. Though He never
married, he was the MAN God would have all of us strive to be.
He had courage and resolve of steel.
But at the same time He was gentle, understanding and caring.
He had a disposition that was easy to be around unless you had a
problem with what He stood for, and then your unease would have been the
result of YOUR disposition.
iv.
The man who follows this
pattern in his life will have a godly disposition toward his wife and
will promote a marriage that will be happy and thrive.
II.
Characteristics of a
Godly Husband
a.
He is the head
i.
This is a God-given
responsibility. If a man is
not willing to take this responsibility he does not need to get married.
As stated earlier, far too many marriages are in trouble today
because of the failures of husbands to take the lead in the home.
ii.
IF he refuses to be the
head, he is disobeying God.
1.
Ephesians 5:23 – as Paul
says this he is making analogy to Christ and His church.
2.
1 Cor. 11:3 describes
God’s chain of authority, “But I
want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman
is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
3.
1 Tim. 3:5 speaks of the
man RULING his own house.
iii.
Why is the man head of
the household? Society may
balk at what the Bible says, but reasons are given and they must be
respected.
1.
1 Tim. 2:11-15 –
describes how the woman is not to teach or have authority over the man.
2 reasons are given.
1) Adam was formed first, 2)Eve was the first deceived and fell into
transgression.
As a part of her punishment, she would be in subjection to her husband –
Gen. 3:16.
2.
NOTE: This passages does
NOT mean that she was intended to be man’s slave.
While in times past, such has been the view of women, it is not
what we find in the New Testament.
There are multitudes of passages that show God does not think
less of women than men.
1 Peter 3:7 says that the man is to give honor to his wife.
Eph. 5:28-29 says he is to love her as his own body.
Note the words nourish and cherish used in this text.
iv.
Part of being the head
means that he is to be a leader.
He leads in many different ways:
1.
By example - he follows
Christ, just as he expects to be followed.
Cf. 1 Cor. 7:13-14 speaks of unbelievers being “sanctified” by
their believing mate. It is
not about salvation by proxy, but by example you may win them in time.
2.
By listening – a good
leader is aware of what his followers need and finds it out by asking
questions. 1 Pet. 3:7 speaks
of the husband dwelling with his wife with understanding (more on this
in a few moments) but know that such involves listening and
communicating. I will tell
you right now that a major problem in many marriages is poor
communication and it is usually an unwillingness to listen to your
spouse.
3.
With as much information
and input as possible you need to make the decision that is best for
your family. This isn’t just
the little things but the big things as well.
It may mean making the HARD decisions that are unpopular, but as
head it is your responsibility.
To fail to do so is cowardly or lazy.
4.
He takes responsibility
for his decisions. Right or
wrong, he accepts his responsibility and the consequences fall upon him.
He doesn’t blame his wife in front of the kids, or the kids in
front of the wife. This is
just plain INTEGRITY!
b.
He is to love his wife
i.
Love is absolutely
necessary in a godly marriage.
In the Bible it is commanded
ii.
Ephesians 5:25, 28-29
says for husbands to love their own wives as their own bodies.
The word love here is the Greek word, Agape, which means to show
due care with a willingness to sacrifice for your wife.
Is a caring that shows her so precision he would give himself for
her if needed
iii.
It is a love that must
be there at all times and you must ALWAYS treat her with a caring love.
1.
In the Greek language
there are at least four words translated love in our English language –
Agape, Storge – a word describing natural affection or familial love;
phileo – the love of a brother or friend, and eros – which is erotic
love.
2.
In the marriage
relationship, ALL of these types of love need to be present.
3.
AT times, things will
not be pleasant and perhaps there will times of anger where you don’t
like your spouse very much.
But your understanding of love carries you through those times and you
work through them. One
reason so many marriages fail is because men don’t comprehend this and
just look at the exterior.
iv.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5
describes the marriage bed and how both husband and wife are not to
deprive one another of their sexual desires.
While there may be times of withholding, it is by mutual consent
(and I might add respect) and only “for a season”.
There is a reason why the marriage bed is associated with expressions
involving the word “love” in our English language.
NOTE also that vs. 3 uses the term “affection” or “due benevolence” (KJV
& NKJV). The implication is
a concern for your spouse as you engage in relations.
v.
Col. 3:19, “Husbands,
love your wives, and be not bitter toward them.”
The idea of bitterness would be treating them hatefully,
abusively or despising them.
If a man puts down his wife, either by herself or before others,
he is disobeying God. That
is not the way to treat your wife.
NOTICE how Paul’s view of the way a man treats his wife is NOT as
a piece of property (somewhat prevalent in the culture of that day).
In this verse, the emphasis is the love of a husband toward his
wife.
As you consider this, be reminded of how Christ loves the church?
How does He treat His church?
Think about that!
vi.
Keep the fire burning.
If I may make a suggestion, it is that you continue to date after
you get married and do little things to rekindle that spark that was
there when you married. And
husbands, praise your wives – it is one of the best ways to show her you
love her – cf. Prov. 31:28-29, “Her
children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises
her: ‘Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.’”
More in our next lesson (12/18/11)
Sunday, December 18, 2011 am
The Role of Husbands (2) – Continued
In
our last lesson we began examining the various roles within the godly
home. As we noted last week,
the traditional, godly home is under attack within society.
Our media, which is so prevalent everywhere, often portrays the
dysfunctional family as normal and mocks godly values.
It confuses godly roles and disregards moral standards.
Authority is questioned and discipline is virtually absent.
And every year, we continue to see a moral decline.
And it all begins with a failure to properly respect our
God-given roles within the home.
That is one reason why we are engaged in this study.
Last week, we began with the role of the husband as he is the head of
the house. We noted that as
such, he has a responsibility to lead his family in a manner for the
good of the home and that is pleasing to God.
We also began examining the responsibilities of the husband to
include loving her as he would his own self.
In our lesson this morning we wish to continue our study by
examining some more responsibilities of being a husband.
a.
He is to seek to
understand his wife
i.
1 Pet. 3:7 commands the
husband to dwell with his wife with understanding.
ii.
We hear all kinds of
jokes about how difficult it is to understand women (and men).
A few years ago a book was written entitled, “Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus”
(John Gray). The point being
that we are different in our makeup and our abilities are different.
Men and women think differently and respond differently to
circumstances, have different abilities, etc.
These differences are not something to ignore.
Any good book dealing with marriage relationships, including
those from a Biblical perspective, recognizes this.
iii.
Husbands, it is to you
advantage to get to know your wife as well as you can.
You will spend the rest of your life together.
The better you get to know each other the better you can help
each become better.
Seek to understand her needs and emotional concerns, her likes and
dislikes, her strengths and weaknesses.
Learn the things that are important to her.
The little things that make her happy and the little quirks that
upset her. With this
knowledge you can help her as she deals with problems, frustrations and
other troubles AND perhaps even prevent a few!
b.
He is to honor his wife
–
i.
The word for honor means
to treat as something of value or worth, treat one with respect.
1.
It is the same word
found in John 4:44, “a prophet has
no honor in his own country” & 1 Pet 1:7, “that
the genuineness of your faith…may be found to praise, honor, and glory
at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
2.
In a society where many
times women were treated as property, what Peter said was truly
remarkable.
3.
Peter commanded husbands
to treat their wives with respect, not as a stepping stool or a piece of
property to be mishandled and used for selfish desires.
ii.
To illustrate this,
Peter says he honors her, “as to the weaker vessel.”
Physiologically, it is certainly true that the makeup of the average
woman is not as strong as that of the average man.
But that is not what Peter had in mind.
The idea is that he treats his wife as something of worth (i.e.
honor). She ought to be
treated as one would a “fine crystal” goblet as opposed to a common
plastic cup. You
handle it with care and something of MORE value.
You do whatever you need to do to prevent damaging it.
Think of that as you consider how to treat your wife.
iii.
What does it mean for a
husband to honor his wife?
It means that he cherishes her, as we discussed love above.
IT means he doesn’t abuse her or belittle her before other (or by
herself). He is not
constantly looking for her faults so that he can tear her down.
Instead, he treats her as a part of him (after all they have been joined
together). She is his
support and confidant. He
seeks to strengthen her so that she will be his rock of support.
He is proud of her and shows it in public.
He tells her he loves her (often) and shows her that he needs
her.
iv.
Peter concludes by
noting that in his behavior he realizes that they are “heirs together of
the grace of life.”
c.
He must provide for his
wife and family
i.
Since the beginning man
has had the responsibility to provide – Gen. 3:17-19, in pronouncing the
curse upon man, the LORD said that that he would work sometimes in
difficult circumstances. I
find it interesting that while the man works as a curse, it is actually
a blessing. Eccl. 5:12 says,
“The sleep of a laboring man is sweet, whether he eats little or much.”
ii.
1 Timothy 5:8 says, “But
if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his
household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
iii.
Ephesians 5:28-29,
reminded us that a husband loves his wife (and family) as his own body.
Generally he takes care of himself and provides what he needs.
iv.
Sadly, there are many
men who fail to adequately provide for the needs of their family.
Many abandon their spouse and children or they create babies and
are not there. Sometimes he
is a poor manager of his resources; sometimes he is lazy or wasteful.
Sometimes he is not content with the basics.
Sometimes his wife and family are not content with the basics
and problems exist.
Because of the society in which we live and the difficult times,
sometimes providing for his family is a challenge.
Our environment makes it very
difficult for most families to live comfortably on one income, which is
why so many women are working today.
(We will deal more with working wives next week)
In SUCH INSTANCES, the problem is of materialism or worldliness.
Following Paul’s discourse to Timothy about men providing for
their families (so that the church not be burdened – 1 Tim. 5:16), he
then deals with contentment and materialism (1 Tim. 6:6-11, 17-19).
But he still has the responsibility to provide for his family.
He needs to work out these things with his wife and family.
It may mean tremendous sacrifices of things we don’t really need
(and how much do we really need?), but he needs to do his best to
fulfill his role in this area.
He needs to consider these things before he enters into a
marriage.
d.
He must protect her and
his family
i.
Ephesians 5:25 speaks of
his willingness to give himself for his family.
Jesus set the example saying, “Greater
love has no one than this, than to lay down his life for his friends.”
(Jn. 15:13). Remember that
is what Christ did for His church.
ii.
In 1 Peter 3:7 where we
read that the husband honors her as “the weaker vessel” we are also
reminded that she is to be taken care of and protected, just like that
“fine crystal” is protected.
iii.
IT has been said that
the home is a place where we come to escape the cares of the world.
A place where we can let down our guard and feel safe in the
midst of those we love.
The wife and children need to feel that home is a refuge that
they want to go home to.
iv.
Protection comes in many
different forms
1.
There is, of course, the
physical protection from the elements which a loving father will do his
best to provide for his family, making his home as safe as possible.
2.
There is protection from
the harm of others – home security systems, insurance, etc.
3.
There is also emotional
protection. Home should not
be the place where they find the worst criticisms, fear, misery and
discouragement. It ought to
be the place where they are encouraged to excel and when problems are
dealt with they must be provided with love.
4.
There is moral and
spiritual protection.
a.
When we think of the
role of the husband and discuss leadership, we tend to emphasize the
physical responsibilities.
While this is both good and needful, the truth is the husband is to lead
in all areas. Physically,
emotionally AND spiritually or morally.
b.
Let godly love be the
love that governs the relationship.
Primary in the discussion of Christ and His church in Ephesians
5:23-33 is His love for His church.
May we as husbands and fathers seek to fully understand that love
and implement that type of love in our families.
c.
Be the spiritual
provider of your family
i.
Providing for his wife
and family ALSO involves spiritual nourishment.
He needs to take the spiritual lead and ensure that his family is
being brought up “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”
ii.
He leads by example –
why would Matt. 5:16 not apply to how a husband leads his wife and
family? Is that not the
premise of 1 Cor. 7:14-15 where an unbelieving spouse is “sanctified” by
the believing spouse?
iii.
He prays openly and
seeks opportunities to study God’s word with his family.
We will see more on this as we discuss parenting.
iv.
He leads by attending
worship services and seeing that his family is there.
He makes sure they are ready.
He excels spiritually doing as much as he can for the Lord –
developing in spiritual leadership
d.
Be the spiritual
protector of your family
i.
Moral and spiritual
protection – In an immoral world, he needs to do what he can to keep
that immorality out of the home.
As the father what are you doing to keep impurity out of your
home? Television, radio, movies, the internet, etc.
What type of language do you use?
What types of books do you read?
Have you made your home more about worldliness and materialism
than about spiritual pursuits?
How often do you discuss the Bible together as a family and pray
together? As husband you
ought to see that these things are provided.
ii.
As a husband, you ought
to pray with your wife and encourage her to grow in knowledge of God’s
word. Remember again 1
Pet. 3:15 – when you dwell with your wife with understanding, you are
heirs together of the grace of God and your prayers may not be hindered.
Husbands, do your job to make that the environment prevalent in
your homes.
iii.
He needs to study God’s
word regularly so that he can be aware of “the wiles of the devil”
iv.
He needs to pray to God
for his family – wisdom to lead them spiritually, for their spiritual
needs, etc.
v.
What standards have you
set for the household – both wife and children.
And
thus we can see the role of the husband.
When you exchange vows, please take time to understand these
things. Discuss them with
your fiancée and if needed find someone with a good Biblical foundation
of the home and study with them.
A few classes on these subjects will not be a waste of your time.
As
I conclude this lesson it is with an observation to wives concerning
their husbands. The
responsibility to lead one’s family is a serious and frightening task
filled with challenges. For
the most part the man knows he needs what he needs to do.
You can help him fulfill his role by understanding what he is
required to do and supporting him as we strives to be a godly leader.
My point is DON’T DO things that hinder or frustrate him in this
SERIOUS task – such as refusing to submit, making him miserable as he
tries to do his job, contradicting his efforts, being overly demanding,
etc.) In our next lesson we will discuss the role of wives and deal with
this in more detail.