Sunday, October 20,
2019 am
LIGHTS IN A DARK
WORLD (34)
Godly Families in an Ungodly World (2)
The Marriage Relationship
a.
As note last week, a
marriage is the beginning of a new family unit.
Moses emphasized that with Adam and Eve commenting for Israel in
Genesis 2:24 where we read, Therefore a man shall leave his father
and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.
b.
We also noted that it
is for life. Last week we
briefly address what Jesus taught in Matthew 19:9 and what God thinks of
divorce. We might also
notice Romans 7:2-3 which notes that a woman is bound to her husband as
long as he lives. Death
concludes the relationship. This
is also taught in 1 Corinthians 7:39.
c.
We live in times
where the marriage relationship is not valued.
Divorce is permitted for any cause.
In many marriage ceremonies, “till death do us part” is not even
part of the vows. People
enter into these relationships with the assumption that if it doesn’t
work out, we just end it and move on to our next attempt.
Add to this the failure to understand roles and responsibilities in the
marriage, the pressures of living and making the family work,
materialism, and host of problems that are likely to arise, and many
marriages end up broken or troubled.
d.
But why is this so?
i.
Because there is
little respect for God’s design in marriage.
Society has sought to redefine
God’s view of marriage in virtually every way.
ii.
There is very little
respect for God in their homes.
Often, He is second place at best.
iii.
Often partners are
very selfish in their decisions and behaviors.
a.
There are many texts
that address the responsibilities of husbands and wives.
We will focus primarily on one
with reference to a few others.
Ephesians 5:22-33.
This will also be a brief summary of the responsibilities we have toward
each other.
b.
Husbands
– Proverbs 18:22, He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains
favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 31:10 notes that a virtuous wife is worth more than precious
jewels. From the very
beginning the wife was intended to be a blessing to the man.
While he has responsibilities, he needs to see the blessing of
this relationship.
i.
He needs to take the
lead.
He is head of the wife and
family (Eph. 5:23-24).
This is a misunderstood and misapplied responsibility in many places
today. There are many men
who reason that because they are the head they can do whatever they want
and treat their wives that way.
This has been a problem in many religions where headship is
abused. And it has been the
target of a society that refuses to accept God’s standard of submission.
BUT, our text tells us HOW the husband is to take the lead.
In the same way that Christ is the head of the church.
Can anyone deny that Jesus is
head of the church in a caring way?
Every decision He made concerning her, was done with her best
interest in mind. And it is
WISDOM to consult with others involved before making big decisions.
BUT, having said that, his headship is REAL!
He needs to STEP UP and be the leader God intends – even when
decisions are unpleasant. I
am convinced trouble in this area is one of the downfalls of our
society.
ii.
He needs to love his
wife –
How? As Christ loved the church and sacrificed for her. (Eph. 5:25-29)
Paul spends more time on this in our text than other
responsibilities.
She is his helpmeet – the one to whom he is closest and can confide in.
This works in the Christian home because both parties put their
trust in God.
Colossians 3:19 says for husbands to love your own wives and do not be
bitter toward them – the emphasis here is to NOT be harsh, untrusting,
hateful, or abusive (physical, mental or spiritual), etc.
1 Peter 3:7 – seek to
understand your wife and treat her with the honor she deserves.
This HAS TO factor into how he leads.
iii.
He needs to provide
for his wife and family
– This is a part of
loving the family AND commanded.
Ephesians 5:29, he loves her just as he takes care of himself –
nourishing and cherishing. 1
Timothy 5:8 – we provide for our own household.
iv.
There is the intimacy
associated with marriage as well
– spouses are
responsible for tending to these needs with each other, lest one be
tempted. 1 Corinthians
7:3-5, Hebrews 13:4.
This needs to be carried out with purity and monogamy, which is what god
expects. (cf. Proverbs
5:15-19, Matthew 19:4-6, 5:27-28, etc.)
c.
Wives
– the husband is intended to be a blessing to her as well.
It is through her husband that God intends for her to bear
children. Genesis 2:18,
21-22 – she was taken from Adam’s side and brought to him to be his
COMPANION (not slave or ruler).
i.
Must learn submission
and their roles.
Though politically incorrect, it is emphasized continually in the
New Testament. Ephesians
5:22-23; Colossians 3:18 – submit as is fitting to the Lord (does the
way we submit to the Lord govern how we understand this?); 1 Peter 3:1-6
– a beautiful passage that show what a godly woman, knowing her role,
can do.
AGAIN, we live in a society where God’s word is not treated very highly.
There are many factors – 1) Ungodliness making decisions
(rebellion against God, etc.); 2) The failures of many men to step up be
godly leaders in the home (it is not that they don’t know how to lead –
they do it at work, coaching, etc..
Rather they CHOOSE not to lead the family properly); 3) This
often results in the wives/mother having to step up and do more than her
part because someone has to; 4) There are wives who simply REFUSE to
submit!
THIS IS another reason our society is so morally depraved.
ii.
She is to love her
husband -
Titus 2:4.
Modern feminism would have you believe the woman does not need a
man. We have already seen
this is not God’s intent.
He wants men to marry women to become their wife.
But there must be a realization that BOTH parties need to love
each other with loyalty and care.
That is seen though numerous approved examples in scripture.
Proverbs 31:10-12 describes how a godly wife is trusted by her
husband and she seeks him good and not evil, all her days.
iii.
She has
responsibilities in the home
– Our society places little
value on homemakers.
Lately, IF one chooses and can do so, so be it, BUT it is not the
recommended way.
And we live in a society where so many have created lifestyles where the
wife cannot stay home and tend to her duties.
But God’s word gives her
responsibilities - Titus 2:4-5 – love their children, be homemakers,
etc.
1 Timothy 5:14, Paul admonishes younger widows (and thus enter into the
role of wife), to bear children, manage the house, give no
opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
etc. While much more
could be said about these things, this is in brief what her role
involves
iv.
NOTE:
There is no passage that requires a woman to marry.
Paul even spoke of benefits of remaining single (1 Corinthians
7:8-9, etc.). But there are
benefits restricted to the marriage relationship.
Should she (OR he) choose to enter into a marriage, she MUST be
willing to submit to God’s will in what she does.
And IT IS FOR LIFE!
d.
For a marriage to
work, each spouse must be willing to sacrifice for the other.
That was borne out by Paul in our text in Ephesians 5.
BOTH must realize that the relationship is bigger than their own
personal desires.
We have heard that marriage is a 50-50 proposition.
That is not accurate – it is actually more like 75 give and 25
take (not exact numbers,
but you see the point). AND
one observation to make with this – sometimes that means NEITHER one
gets exactly what they want.
We have seen how we are to sacrifice FOR our spouse, but also
very often we BOTH need to sacrifice, because it is what is best.
This of what Christian love (agape) means – “caring enough to
sacrifice for what is best”.
It is possible that both parties to be selfish and even make selfish
decisions together.
IOW, both agree to take what they want RIGHT NOW, even though it is NOT
what is best and may be harmful to the relationship in the long run.
e.
Realize that our role
in the marriage relationship is to help each other physically and
spiritually. Ultimately our
goal ought to be to help each other get to heaven and take as many with
us as we possibly can.
a.
Marriages where God
is first.
I can guarantee that if BOTH partners in a marriage seek to put
God first – before friends, hobbies, other family (e.g. parents, their
children, etc.), their own selfish pursuits and desires, etc.,
then the marriage CAN and WILL
work. Because, the
relationship is a “threefold chord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes
4:12)
b.
Marriage where there
is genuine love between husband and wife.
A deep love based on more than superficial qualities.
c.
Marriages where
problems are dealt with in a godly manner,
and where they actually make the relationship stronger, rather than
weaker.
d.
A relationship where
divorce is not an option,
and faithfulness is at the center of their relationship
with one another.
When addressing the husband/wife relationship, there are a host of other
topics we could examine, but time will not permit such now
We conclude by asking? What is my marriage saying to the world?