Sunday, October 27,
2019 am
LIGHTS IN A DARK
WORLD (35)
Family (3) – Parents and Children
As we continue our study concerning our influence, we have been focusing
briefly on the family this month.
We have briefly addressed the foundation of the family as God
would have it, and we have addressed the relationship between a husband
and wife. Today we want to
address the parent/child relationship and how it impacts our influence
in society.
a.
Psalm 127:3-5, “Behold,
children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a
reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of
one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They
shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.”
b.
Among the intended
purposes of the marriage relationship is to bring children into the
world. It was God’s intent
from the beginning. Genesis
1:27-28, as man (and woman) was created in God’s image, they were
instructed to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it.”
As God created this world, it was with the intention that as children
were brought into the world, they need a father and a mother.
This is the ideal, and IF we can control circumstances that
ought to be our goal.
Therefore, SHOULD a married couple decide to bring children into this
world, they are taking upon themselves an AWESOME responsibility.
c.
As we have noted in
this study about the home, our society is adversely affected by the
breakdown of the traditional home. In
the parent/child relationship, we see so many problems – single parents
who have no desire to have a spouse, same-sex couples that confuse
children as to what their role ought to be, abusive and neglectful
parents, the pursuit and tolerance of materialism and worldliness in the
home, failures to be there for the children, a failure to instill
respect for parents and authority figures, a breakdown in discipline and
accountability (it is not uncommon now, when a child misbehaves – it is
always someone else’s fault), etc.
And understand that with MOST of these issues, we KNOW they are not good
for children or society, BUT there is an outright REFUSAL to accept
God’s pattern because of what it implies – namely we have to repent!
d.
As parents, we have
an opportunity to have the greatest impact on the direction that our
children will take.
Will they seek God and His kingdom first?
Will they respect God’s boundaries and commands concerning the
home?
Proverbs 22:6 says, Train up a child in the way he should go, And
when he is old he will not depart from it. We know this is the rule
for child rearing. And
while there might be exceptions, they are just that – exceptions.
And they can apply both positively AND negatively.
However, how often when we dig deep do we actually find failures to do
what we ought to do.
The qualifications of leaders in the Lord’s church involve the proper
rearing of children.
Of elders, 1 Timothy 3:4-5 speaks of the man who rules his own house
well, having his children in submission with all reverence.
And then the reason is given in vs. 5, (for if a man does not
know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of
God?); Similarly, Titus 1:6
speaks of the need for faithful children not accused of dissipation or
insubordination.
Even deacons are to be fathers who rule their children and house well (1
Timothy 3:12).
e.
This is
important to God and ought to be important to us as well.
Why? Because it
reflects on the church, society, government and community.
Why? Because, as the home goes, so goes society.
a.
Again, we are only
briefly addressing these qualities in this lesson.
Much more time could be devoted to each of these
responsibilities.
b.
FIRST, he is the
head of the house. Just
as he is the head of the marriage relationship, he has headship over the
ENTIRE family. That
includes the children. While he
should delegate and work with his wife, he CANNOT abdicate this
responsibility. Again note
above with leaders, He “rules his house” with his children in subjection
(1 Timothy 3:4-5, 12, Titus 1:6).
We have noted on numerous occasions, that most of the
qualifications of elders (and deacons) ought to be present in EVERY
Christian man’s life. It
is just that in leaders, these qualities are established.
c.
He is to provide for
his family.
God has always intended for the man to provide for his family.
You see this in instructions for him to work.
You also see it implied as you consider the wife’s role to mange
the house (note: We are not here addressing whether or not women should
work).
1 Timothy 5:8 is clear about this.
d.
He is to be head when
it comes to instruction
– Ephesians 6:4,
Colossians 3:21. In both
these passages, we find instructions about how to and how NOT to bring
up children.
The father has the primary responsibility to see that children are going
to be taught (yes, the mother will do much of the teaching, but the man
MUST take a lead in this).
He is to “bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
This means instructing them, teaching them.
Helping to mold them.
How does a father do this?
i.
By word of mouth
– he has to teach.
Deuteronomy 6:6-9 gives an example of this.
God’s word needs to be taught and children need to learn about
God and Jesus, etc. at home.
ii.
By example
– as is
ALWAYS the case. We are to
let our lights shine in this area as well.
2 Timothy 1:5 – while speaking
of Timothy’s mother and grandmother, the point is the faith was in them
first. The same ought to be
true of fathers.
iii.
Through application
– they
need to not only SEE things being done, they need to be given tasks to
do it. It us through activity
that one learns how to conduct
themselves.
Let them LEARN to apply how to discern between good and evil, how to
avoid the ungodly, etc.
iv.
Through repetition
–
Again Deuteronomy 6:6-9 speaks of this repetition.
You talk about God continually.
It ought to be something they do not question, because it is
repeated so much. E.g. We
NEED to go and worship God now.
Not a “have to” attitude, but shown it as worthwhile by repeating
it over and over again.
2 Peter 1:12-15, Peter was not negligent to remind them…
e.
Do not discourage
them – or
frustrate them. They
should not be provoked to anger – which means treating them in such a
way that they are confused, frustrated, neglected, treated harshly, or
even hypocritical behavior, etc.
These are the types of things that provoke one to anger or
discouragement.
There’s a balance to be learned as we raise our children.
Discipline factors into this.
I am convinced that that father has the PRIMARY responsibility
in this area. It must be
tempered with wisdom, but it must be consistently and firmly
administered. Hebrews
12:7ff, speaks of the chastening of God, following the example of
fathers.
Fathers MUST do what they can to turn their children in the right
direction. Sometimes it
requires sacrifice, patience, hard effort, etc.
But it must be done.
f.
He is to love his
family –
this is borne out in the example of chastening – which is done out of
love.
When we see the prodigal son return, we see a father’s love (Luke
15:20-21)
g.
In summary
– contrary to
what our society implies, every child needs a father.
Will we step up and courageously accept our responsibilities in
this?
a.
Like the father, she
has an important role and is needed.
Her role is seen throughout scripture as mothers raised their
children.
In Old Testament times, there was a blessing associated with being able
to bear children. Even
Moses’ mother, Jochebed, helped to raise him, in the house of Pharaoh’s
daughter (Exodus 2:1-2, 8-10).
In the NT we are again reminded of the upbringing of Timothy,
though the faith of his grandmother Lois, and his mother Eunice (2
Timothy 1:5). Other
examples could be cited.
b.
In the one income
home, with the father working, she will likely have more interaction
with the children and has authority of them.
This gives her opportunity to
have a major role in the physical and spiritual upbringing of the
children. So what are some
of her responsibilities?
c.
She is to love her
children
–this seems like a natural thing.
Consider 1 Thessalonians 2:7 where a nursing mother cherishes her
children.
But Titus 2:4 finds it as part of the instructions of older women to
younger women. They are to
love their husbands and love their children.
Why would this need to be stated?
First, not ALL mothers love their children – there are abusive, selfish
mothers and mothers (cf. 2 Timothy 3:3 speaks of the unloving – without
natural affection; Romans 1:31 also.
Second, a maternal love can result in being overly permissive, failure
to discipline, etc.
According to Titus 2:4, this is something that is learned.
I see in this a leadership role that she has over the children.
d.
She is to manage the
house – 1
Timothy 5:14, Titus 2:5 – homemakers.
That means she is involved in the daily affairs of a home,
including taking care of the children, while the father is working.
1 Timothy 2:15, while dealing with the submissive role of the woman
states, Nevertheless, she will be saved in childbearing if they
continue in faith, love and holiness, with self-control.
I am convinced this is not a
requirement that women have children (if so, many would be disqualified
from being saved), but IF THEY DO, they are to help rear those children
in a godly way, fulfilling their family role.
e.
She is to help in the
teaching –
this is implied as noted above with Lois and Eunice.
Proverbs also teaches this – Proverbs 1:8, My son, hear the
instruction of your father, and the law of your mother.
Proverbs 29:15, which speaks of discipline, notes that a child kept to
himself is a shame to his mother.
f.
Together, with the
father –
they seek to raise children who will faithfully serve God, even after
they leave home. That ought
to mean more to them than anything else.
We need to consider that if parents decide to bring a child into
the world, they are bringing a soul that will spend eternity somewhere.
This is not a task that is to be taken lightly.
a.
Again, much more
could be said about this.
And in our society, there is a great need for children to learn how to
PROPERLY treat their parents. It
is something that is lacking in many places.
We see all around us, disrespect and dishonor of parents.
Many children are ungrateful for all that they have been given
and demand more. The Bible
summarizes it with two words.
b.
Ephesians 6:1,
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.
Children must learn to obey their parents or face the
consequences of appropriate discipline.
This is also taught in Colossians 3:20 – obey them in all things
(provided it is not sinful).
2 Timothy 3:1-2 – speaks of
selfishness and includes those who are disobedient to parents.
Luke 2:51 – even Jesus was subjected to His parents.
c.
Children are to honor
their parents-
Ephesians 6:2-3. The idea
of honor to show due respect.
You do what they tell you to, not simply because they say it, but
because you LOVE them and respect them.
This considers an appreciation for what they have done for you,
much of what you will NOT fully comprehend until you have your own
children.
How do you honor your parents?
1) By obeying them.
2) By listening to them.
They know more than what you think.
3) By behaving and respecting them – don’t talk back or be rebellious,
4) You honor them by realizing
how your conduct is a reflection upon them. Even when they are not
around, you consider how your conduct impacts them.
It’s not just about the punishment if you disobey, it’s the
disappointment because you rebelled.
d.
Final though, much of
this rest on the parents.
Typically children respond based upon the way they are raised.
Obviously, these things have a reflection on our influence (our light).
The world DESPERATELY needs to see parents putting God first as
they bring forth the next generation for the church, AS WELL AS society,
government, etc. And they
need to see children who will be godly examples, even when it not the
popular thing to do. Are
you fulfilling your roles in the home? Think about these things.